Facing the Past
by DramaLexy
Summary: Eventually you have to stop running from the past and face it. I decided to try adding a character from the prime universe to the alternate one. Vulcan character-centric. Longer summary inside. REVISED AND REPOSTED June 2010
1. Chapter 1: 2247

**TITLE: Facing the Past**

**AUTHOR: DramaLexy**

**SUMMARY: ****Eventually you have to stop running from the past and face it.**

**DISCLAIMER: If I owned them...oh, we won't go there. I don't, so don't sue.**

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: In the process of working on my other ST09 stories, I actually sat down and watched a handful of the TOS movies all the way through for the first time. And kinda fell in love with them. Especially ST2 & 3 and the character of Saavik. I decided that I wanted to pull her over to the alternate universe. For anyone not familiar with the TOS back story, Saavik is a half-Vulcan/half-Romulan with a traumatic past that Spock befriends and looks after. For anyone who IS familiar with the character, please note that **** I definitely changed some things in the timeline, namely the age gap between Spock and Saavik.**** The main reason for this was to allow Saavik and Amanda to have a relationship in the AU. This story mostly focuses on Vulcan characters (though all the main characters from the movie make appearances) and ****I got most of my inspiration from the novelization of ST3 and the books "Vulcan's Heart" and "Pandora Principle."**

**A/N 2: There were a few things about the original version of this story that I didn't fully like, so I've done some revamping and added some new material and now I'm reposting. (June 2010)  
**

* * *

2247

A Vulcan science vessel, the Kah'Ru, sat in orbit of Barradas III, waiting while the last of her cargo – forty-odd archeologists, anthropologists, and other scientists – were transported up from the planet's surface. Three days earlier, the ship had brought a new team to study Barradas' ruins and now she would return the scientists that had been relieved.

"Captain Sulok?" one of the bridge officers asked. The ship's commander turned to him. "All members of the scientific expedition are aboard."

Sulok nodded. "We should be able to keep to our schedule. Set course for Vulcan."

The course was programmed in, and they were only seconds from departing when the computer system chirped. "A vessel has been detected on the edge of the system."

"Origins?" the Captain asked.

"It…it appears to be Romulan." Sulok's brow furrowed almost imperceptibly. Barradas (once the home to a now-dead civilization) was located very near to the edge of the Neutral Zone. If a Romulan ship was in the system, it was likely a very bad sign. To enter the zone was an act of war; to cross it, even worse. Was this ship the vanguard of an invasion force? The Kah'Ru was alone here; minimally armed and hours away from another Federation vessel that could lend assistance. The odds that the ship did not have aggressive intentions were…

"What is their course?" Precious moments passed as he checked his readouts and calculated, then checked again.

"The ship appears to be adrift. I am not reading any engine signatures."

"Life signs?"

"Only one."

_To act on suspicion instead of fact is illogical. To not prevent death when presented the opportunity…_

"Set a course to intercept."

* * *

The Kah'Ru had a small bay for storing transport vessels or supply loads. The Romulan ship was towed aboard and sat quietly in that bay. Vulcans were generally a non-violent race, but that didn't mean Sulok wasn't fully prepared to defend his ship if they had fallen for a Romulan trick. They had gone straight to warp speed after retrieving the vessel, hoping to catch any cloaked enemy that might be lurking by surprise. The three crewmembers that accompanied their captain to the bay had weapons at the ready.

One crewman toggled the hatch, and they all stood ready for a surprise attack. However, none came, except for a stench that poured forth. It was the smell of death. As the cabin of the small ship came into view, Sulok realized that its pilot was sprawled on the floor, his head turned at an odd angle and a pool of green blood around him.

"We were too late?" Sulok asked one of his crewmen, who had traded his weapon for a hand-held scanner.

The man shook his head. "Given his body temperature, he has been deceased for a long period…There is a fifth life sign in the vicinity." He stepped forward into the vessel, brandishing the scanner in an attempt to locate the source of that extra signal. He stopped beside a panel, frowning at the device. "I believe – "

He wasn't able to get any farther than that before a small being sprang forth from the storage space behind the panel. It let out a high growl as it attacked, and Sulok was momentarily stunned. As the crewman fell to the floor, the captain finally realized that his assailant was not a wild beast but instead a humanoid that could not have been more than seven years of age.

"We mean you no harm," he told the girl, having deduced from the child's long hair and facial features that she was indeed female. As he and another crewman tried to pull her back, she fought viciously against them, thrashing and clawing and emitting noises that Sulok would have expected from a predatory animal. Her tattered clothing was stained with blood, and the captain suddenly understood how the Romulan pilot had met his death.

The girl was strong, but they had her outnumbered. While the others struggled to contain her kicking feet and clawing hands, Sulok brought two fingers to the base of her neck and squeezed the correct pressure point. Almost instantly, the child fell quiet and slumped, unconscious, in their grasp.

"Savages from birth," one man commented of their Romulan 'cousins' under his breath before turning to help his fallen comrade. More green blood now stained the floor of the shuttle, but the wounds he'd received appeared superficial. He was fortunate.

Shifting the small perpetrator of the attack in his arms, Sulok couldn't help but contemplate where her strength had come from; she was barely more than skin and bones. Her pulse raced alarmingly beneath his fingers; had striking out against them been more than her body could withstand?

The captain reached to activate the intra-ship communications system. "A medical team is required in the shuttle bay."

* * *

The ship's doctor, T'Lana, brought two of her techs along to respond to the captain's call. Upon arrival, they saw an obviously dead Romulan on the floor, one of their crew members sitting dazed with a couple significant facial lacerations, and an unconscious child in the captain's arms.

"What has transpired?" she asked Sulok as she began to examine the child with a scanner while the others tended to the crewman.

"A preemptive strike," he replied.

"By him?" She indicated the dead pilot, but the captain shook his head. There were only so many other possible options. "By this little one?" she asked, indicating the girl.

"She is more like a hungry sehlat than a child when awake," he responded.

"You rendered her unconscious?" It was more of a statement than a question, and so lightly toned with disapproval that an outsider likely wouldn't pick up on it.

Sulok, however, was not an outsider. "There was little other choice," he defended his actions. The doctor did not respond.

* * *

When the child awakened an hour later, T'Lana was at her bedside, checking her latest scan results. Almost immediately, she sprang up into a defensive crouch, a small growl escaping her throat, but she did not make an aggressive move.

"Do not be alarmed," the doctor told her. "You are safe." However, the words only invoked a blank stare. _Of course she would not understand_, the woman chided herself. She had never gotten very far with a study of Romulan – only took it for a single semester out of curiosity – but remembered a few terms. "Welcome," she told the child, noticing that she stiffened upon hearing a word in her native tongue. "I am T'Lana. What is your name?"

The girl narrowed her eyes, but did not answer. _Is she capable of speech?_

"Do you want food?" the doctor tried. The girl was half starved to death; given her current levels of malnutrition and dehydration, she'd gone at least three weeks without eating, and meals had likely been scarce even before that.

That word registered and got a reaction. "Food," the child parroted, cautiously holding out a hand to accept what she would be given.

_So she does speak_, the doctor mused. "Where are you from?" she inquired in Romulan. The girl growled again, repeating the gesture of holding out her hand.

"Food!" she demanded, and T'Lana nodded.

"All right," she murmured in her own native tongue. "I suppose it would be illogical to expect your cooperation without first following through on that offer."

* * *

A few items that would be easy on the girl's abused digestive system were selected, and she was given her choice of what she wished to consume. She contemplated the little dishes for a moment before using her hands to feed herself. She ensured that there wasn't a morsel left in the first dish before moving on to a second.

T'Lana watched from across the room. The girl was incredibly gaunt and so pale. The doctor could only speculate as to what her past had held…and it wasn't a pleasant image.

"Report," the captain requested as he entered the medical facility and joined her.

"As you can see, she is awake and has an appetite."

"Have you learned her origins? Or even her name?" Sulok inquired.

"If she knows, she is not yet willing to share. However, I believe I have some answers, though they lead to further questions. You can see that she does not possess some normal Romulan physical characteristics."

The captain glanced over at the child. Her mocha-colored eyes were warily watching them from underneath unruly brown locks. She outwardly appeared to be Vulcan, with no trace of the brow ridges that most Romulans had. "Yes, continue," he told the doctor.

T'Lana turned to the computer terminal and showed him some test results. "Her DNA scans. Many markers would indicate she is Vulcan, but others…We do not have extensive knowledge of how Romulans have evolved since the division, but I believe this child to be a hybrid."

The Captain almost managed to mask his surprise. "How was her conception possible?" Vulcans would not voluntarily mate with Romulans. Therefore, force had undoubtedly been involved, but how had the opportunity arisen?

"I am uncertain. She is not genetically related to the pilot of that ship."

That was also of note; had she been abandoned – or orphaned? What kind of existence had she had to make her this way? "Was she mistreated?" Sulok asked, though was already sure of the answer. The doctor's eyes were fixed to his own.

"Her scans show multiple healed fractures – fingers on both of her hands, her right arm, and three ribs. I saw scars on her skin when we changed her clothes, and…there is evidence of sexual abuse."

A short growl came from the other side of the room and they both turned to see what had happened. Another medical tech had been attempting to coax the girl into lying down to rest, but she sprang from the bed and instead curled up in the corner on the floor. She had not used the spoon provided with her meal for eating, but she now clutched it in both hands like a weapon. Even in preparation for sleep, she could not let her guard down for an instant.

_They have turned a child into an animal_, the captain thought, and only made a weak attempt to suppress the sorrow he felt over that notion. "Is it possible to undo what she has suffered?" he asked the doctor, curious as to what kind of future this little being could have once they reached Vulcan.

T'Lana considered it. "I am uncertain…after such a period of time and so much trauma… It is not impossible, but it will not be easy."

* * *

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2: 2248

2248

The child, who they would find out was named Saavik, quickly learned that undoing the past was an impossible idea. Events that had already transpired could not be ignored. By the time a year had passed since her rescue, moving on seemed only slightly more probable.

She was institutionalized upon her arrival on Vulcan, since it was claimed that she was a danger to those around her. Her future was left in the hands of the High Council, who seemed to prefer that her past be hidden away and virtually ignored just as she was. A Vulcan science vessel, the Ha'Ge, had disappeared without a trace near the Neutral Zone ten years before Saavik's rescue, and they assumed that one of its eighty-seven crewmembers was her Vulcan parent. However, it was agreed that no effort would be expended to determine exactly which crewmember. The girl's existence was a reminder of grave injustices committed against a fellow Vulcan, and it was deemed illogical to burden whatever family she may have with that reminder.

Sulok had been very outspoken when he found out. Saavik's birth had not been of her choice, and they were obligated to at least attempt to give her a future. After he spoke out to the High Council on the matter, he soon found himself assigned to an extended mission far from their homeworld. However, his words had not been wasted; the decision was made that the savage half-breed child would be schooled to the best of their ability. Expectations were very low.

Saavik had multiple disadvantages compared to her peers, with language and logic training perhaps tied for first place. At the age of eight (they approximated), she should have had years of study in both. Instead, she was inarticulate, illiterate, and highly impulsive. Her assignments were barely above the level of a toddler; it was decided that tasks like writing her own name or basic arithmetic would be challenging enough for her.

Standing in a learning dome at a school in Shi'Kahr, Saavik carefully tried to repeat the words that the computer pronounced for her. Unbeknownst to her instructors, she could understand far more than she could convey. Figuring out how to give voice to her thoughts was her current struggle.

"Desh'rak…She'rak…Koo'rak…" The computer signaled that it did not accept her last entry, and she struggled to form the correct sound. "K-koo'rak…" Another signal of failure. Saavik stamped her foot in frustration.

"Do you not know by now that you can't turn a canine into a person?" a voice asked in Vulcan from behind her. She turned to see two boys of her own age on the ledge above.

"I not cane…cane-hine," she replied, although the fact that she couldn't even correctly parrot their words didn't help her case.

"You certainly aren't a person," the boy shot back as he jumped down into her dome. "My father says it's illogical for the educators to pretend you could ever be normal. You'll always be a savage, like THEM. It's in your blood."

Saavik tried to stand her ground. "I learn."

"They might train you, like a house pet, but you'll always be an animal."

"I learn!" she repeated, more forcefully this time.

The boy scoffed. "A sehlat would learn faster than you, stupid viltah." He reached to strike her, but Saavik caught his arm long before it came near her face and retaliated. However, it had been a calculated move; the boy had found out from his politician father that if the savage child could not learn to control herself, she would be removed from the school. A single act of provocation would permanently rid them of the half-Romulan abomination.

An older student had watched the scene unfold. When the bully joined his prey in her learning dome, the sixteen-year-old had stepped forward, ready to intervene if necessary. 'Viltah', a derogatory term for half-breeds, was one of his least favorite words in the language. He had heard it too many times during his own childhood, and could empathize with the struggle that the little girl faced. When Saavik so predictably responded to her tormentor's attack, the older boy was able to pull her off before her second blow could fall.

"I would suggest that you leave while still able," Spock told the pair of bullies as he struggled to contain the angry child, who was still swinging and kicking. "And I do not believe there is any need to speak of this incident."

"She attacked me!" the boy tried to protest.

"Shall I release her to finish?" After a brief pause of contemplation, both boys scrambled away.

Spock deposited Saavik on the floor and wiped blood away from a cut on his lower lip that she'd given him. "Calm yourself," he told her as he blocked her attempts to leave the dome. "There is no longer any threat to you."

She growled, unhappy to have been removed from a battle, especially one that she was certain she would have won. Although her memories of the first years of her life had rapidly faded after her arrival on Vulcan (a coping mechanism, according to her doctors), the behaviors that had allowed her to survive during those years were hard set. "Go away!" she ordered.

Spock shook his head. "I will not leave you in this state."

She stared at him, eyes hard, but he didn't relent. After a long minute, her growls subsided and her escape attempts ceased. "I not cane-hine," she told him.

"The scene that I just observed could indicate otherwise." He earned a blistering glare in response.

"YOU stupid," she declared as she started pacing back and forth across the small space of her dome. "YOU cane-hine! You go away!"

Spock was relatively certain that the idea of notion of relying on another person had never dawned on this girl. And, given what most of the school knew about her background, it wasn't all that surprising. However, he knew what would have happened to her that day if he had not intervened. If she was going to be successful here, someone had to get through to her. And as someone who knew in part what she would be facing, Spock felt obligated to try.

He turned to look at the walls of her learning dome in order to discern what she had been studying. Geography seemed to be the theme; a word list contained notable locations from around the quadrant, and several land and star maps were displayed. "This interests you?" he asked.

Saavik glared, but he was encouraged that she chose to respond. "I see," she told him as she pointed to holo-images of various cities across the Federation.

"You wish to travel, to explore?"

She considered the words. "I explore," she corrected her earlier statement. "All ways. Desh'rak, she'rak, koo'rak – "

"Khu'rak," he corrected her pronunciation of the Vulcan word for 'south.'

Saavik frowned, her scowl returning. She wasn't truly angry, however, more confused. It had been a very long time since she hadn't been able to scare someone, and the fact that this boy hadn't turned and left yet was extremely intriguing to her. There was something that made her trust his assistance and intentions when she had never trusted a male before.

"Kh-oo'rak," she carefully repeated. The computer, which had paused its program due to the earlier interruption, signaled her success. A tiny smile turned the corner of her mouth upward. "You name?" she asked him.

"I am Spock."

She poked a finger at her chest. "Saavik. You teach?"

He shook his head. "I am a student, like you."

However, it appeared that he had misinterpreted the question. "You teach," she repeated, though this time it was more of a demand than a request. "Teach me."

He gave a slight nod. "Continue with your assignment. I will assist if necessary."

* * *

Spock continued to assist her daily, once his own studies were complete. He enjoyed the time spent passing on information and responding to Saavik's never-ending inquiries. A couple weeks went by, and already her progress was noticeable. Her teachers had commented that she seemed more attentive and less combative. Spock wasn't surprised; he'd found that Saavik was extremely intelligent, despite missing out on years of schooling. If others were bold enough to have high expectations of her, she would find a way to meet them.

"That is all for today," he told her as he turned off her dome one afternoon. They had stayed beyond the normal school day and he knew that darkness would soon be falling on Shi'Kahr. "I must return home for evening meal." His father had been away from the planet for the past several months due to his work, but had just returned. Family time was something that his mother placed great value in when they were all on the same planet together, and neither man in Amanda's life was brave enough to deny her anything.

Saavik nodded, and silently began gathering her things. As Spock watched her, he realized that he could not bring himself to return her to solitude at the institution while he went home to his family. He had seen the place she was forced to call home and knew that it lacked much. "Join me," he offered.

"Join…for eats?" she asked. He nodded.

* * *

The sun was retreating behind the cliffs of the Forge by the time they reached his family's estate. "Father, Mother, I am home," he called as he closed the door behind him and Saavik.

Sarek appeared in the doorway to his study. "You are late, my son."

"Apologies. We lost track of time."

The older man took in his son's companion. "Who is this?"

"Saavik, a friend that I have been assisting at school. I did not think it would be a problem to fill one extra plate."

Sarek studied the girl for a moment; from his work with the Council, he knew who she was. "No, it will not."

Spock nodded. "Saavik, this is my father, Ambassador Sarek."

Proper manners towards elders had been one of her first lessons. Saavik had stubbornly refused to acknowledge the protocol in the presence of her teachers, but this was different. This was for Spock, and therefore it was important. "Good to meet, A-Am…Am-bass-ee-dor." She stumbled over the word, but managed to get it out.

Sarek nodded. "Welcome, Saavik. I will have another plate set out."

Saavik followed Spock's lead, putting down her school-things beside his at the door. He then led the way towards the dining room. The estate was grand by most standards, a luxury afforded by Sarek's place as head of the prestigious House of Surak. It seemed even more impressive to Saavik's small eyes. Well-appointed but not ostentatious furnishings were carefully arranged in each room.

Amanda smiled at her son as she entered the room from the kitchen. Sarek had staff to tend to the meals, but his wife had always enjoyed being involved in the preparation herself. "I was wondering if we were going to see you this evening," she lightly teased Spock. "How was school?"

"I received a perfect mark on my physical sciences examination," he replied.

Amanda smiled. "Excellent!"

Saavik silently watched them in surprise. _Spock's mother is not Vulcan!_ She thought hard about what species the woman could be; one of her lessons earlier in the week had covered significant member worlds of the Federation. _Could she be Human?_ She didn't seem to possess any of the emotional disciplines that Vulcans prided themselves on and had oddly rounded ears…

"You Human?" she spoke up.

Amanda stopped her conversation with her son mid-sentence. "Well, yes…I'm sorry, I guess I didn't properly introduce myself, did I? My name is Amanda."

"I Saavik."

"It's very nice to meet you, dear. Are you hungry?" She nodded, and they all took seats at the table as the food was brought out. Saavik was lost in thought and almost forgot to use her utensils for eating, as she'd been taught, instead of using her hands.

Was this why she had been drawn to Spock, she could sense a kindred spirit? No one had ever told her that more half-Vulcans existed. There were no other half-Romulans that anyone was aware of, but still… She was not totally alone in the universe, not alone in her struggles to define herself. Spock had gone before her, and seemingly succeeded in finding 'normal.' He understood her, perhaps in a way that no one else ever would. And maybe – just maybe – she would be successful, too.

"Mean it?" she leaned over and quietly asked him.

"Did I mean what?" Spock replied. He had become more adept with time at deciphering her broken speech.

"I friend," she reminded him of his earlier statement. _Saavik, a friend…_ "Mean it?"

He nodded once. "Yes, I meant it."

* * *

TBC...

**A/N: As always, feedback is much appreciated!**


	3. Chapter 3: 2258 pt 1

2258

Sitting in his quarters at Starfleet Academy, Spock patiently listened to the report that was being given via his communications terminal. This report had nothing to do with his ethics or linguistics courses; it was a homework assignment that was due the following day at a school back on Vulcan. As a final assignment for her classical science course, Saavik had done an impressive comparison of factors that led to the formation and current state of planets in multiple solar systems across the quadrant.

"Was it satisfactory?" she asked as she finished.

"You will undoubtedly earn excellent marks," Spock replied. Saavik had realized the potential that he had seen in her ten years earlier – and then some. Not only had she caught up to her peers in school, but she surpassed them in nearly every subject. She had even found some measure of acceptance among them. "Is this the last assignment that you must complete before graduation?" he asked.

"Almost. I have one more set of problems for Biochemistry. But I will finish that later. When are you coming back home?" she changed topics.

"The semester here at the Academy ends in four weeks and then I must have my grade reports finished before taking leave."

Saavik smiled slightly. "It will be enjoyable to see you again. Osu Sarek and Lady Amanda are excited, too." The couple had become her legal guardians soon after meeting her.

"My father does not become excited," Spock pointed out.

"No, but your mother does." He definitely couldn't argue with that. "Will you bring Nyota with you like you did on your last semester break?"

"I am uncertain."

"You should invite her to come," Saavik recommended.

"She may choose to visit her own family after her graduation," he explained.

"Oh...Are you going to go with her?"

Spock gave a small sigh of mock impatience. "If I had known ten years ago that once you learned to speak in complete sentences you would never cease speaking, I might have given more consideration as to whether it would be wise to tutor you."

His teasing earned him another little smile. "I suppose that you should be held responsible for what I have accomplished," she replied in kind. And she had accomplished quite a lot. Saavik was unsure if she would ever be able to properly thank him or his parents for everything they had done to help her over the years.

Spock didn't think he could receive sole credit for her progress over the years, but was pleased with his role nonetheless. He considered Saavik to be his first student, the one who had shown him how much satisfaction he received from teaching. And now she was on the verge of joining him on Earth. "If we do not speak again tomorrow evening, have a safe journey to Alderbaran III for the Academy entrance exam," he told her.

"Thank you. I'll send you a message once I return to Vulcan afterwards." She raised her hand before the camera, offering him a Vulcan salute. "Live long and prosper."

"Peace and long life, Saavikam."

* * *

A week later, Saavik was in the spaceport on Alderbaran III, about to board a transport ship back to Vulcan after completing her exam. "The ship should arrive in Shi'Kahr in six hours," she told Amanda as she spoke to her via a video terminal.

"I've got the schedule," the older woman replied. "Are you really going to make me wait until then to find out what happened?"

Saavik raised an eyebrow. "It would be illogical to tell you when Osu Sarek is not also present."

"I won't say a word to him," Amanda assured her. "And I promise to act surprised when you share the news."

"You would lie to him?"

Amanda sighed. "Oh, he and Spock have taught you well. It wouldn't truly be a lie… Please, darling, I've been thinking about you constantly all week."

The offer was tempting. A formal invitation to the Starfleet Academy Preparatory Program was stored on a data PADD that was tucked into Saavik's bag – she had passed the examination and was now one step closer to becoming a cadet. It was everything that she had worked for over the past several years and she knew how happy her guardian would be. Still, patience was a virtue, for both Vulcans and Humans.

"I will tell you both when I see you," Saavik declared.

Amanda smiled again. "You wouldn't make me wait if it was bad news," she decided. Saavik chose not to respond. "I'll be at the spaceport when you arrive – and I'll see if I can get Sarek out of his office, too. We'll have dinner together to celebrate."

The younger girl found herself fighting a smile of her own. Amanda's excitement over this accomplishent was possibly greater than her own. And later that evening, Saavik could have a video conference with Spock and tell him the news. He had spent the past two years preparing her for the Academy, sending her study tapes to review with information about different fields, vessels, and starbases. Sarek, of course, would have preferred that she show the same interest in the Vulcan Science Academy, but he knew that his son had corrupted her early on.

Saavik looked up as the video signal was momentarily interrupted by static. "I believe that this terminal is malfunctioning."

The signal quickly continued to deteriorate. "I'll let…go board…ship," Amanda's words barely came through. Saavik saw her guardian raise her hand to give the traditional splay-fingered gesture, but by that point the audio stream was gone. Before she had a chance to return the farewell, the connection was completely lost.

Not saying goodbye would be improper, and Saavik knew she still had some of her communications ration left. She attempted to call home once more from a different terminal, but an error message appeared: the subspace connection couldn't be established. Saavik stopped one of the spaceport's workers as he walked past her. "I think there is something wrong with the communications equipment," she told him. "My video call to Vulcan was interrupted and I cannot reestablish the link."

"I'll see if I can get a tech to look at it," he told her before continuing on his way.

Saavik glanced at the chronometer; it was almost time for her flight to leave, so she couldn't wait for repairs to be made. Lady Amanda would understand. She gathered her things and headed for where the transport vessel was waiting. The ship was still half-empty, so she had no trouble finding a seat by a window. She had loved stars and space for as long as she could remember and would never pass up a chance to take in a beautiful view.

Saavik settled back to wait for them to take off. She had enough time for a little meditation to ease some of the stress she'd been dealing with from the challenging examination. Many on Vulcan would probably consider her level of mental discipline to be inadequate, but she knew that she'd made remarkable progress since childhood. Once she'd centered herself, she started to sort through the things that she'd learned that week. Many of the pieces of information would undoubtedly be useful later in her studies. She had also formed several questions about the behavior of other species that she wanted to pose to Spock. Adolescent human males were especially intriguing; one of the other cadets had attempted to engage her in conversation many times. The other female student at the exam had seemed disgusted by him, but Saavik wasn't sure why. She'd often had trouble understanding his colloquialism-filled statements.

_Attending the Academy will certainly improve my knowledge of English,_ she thought to herself.

Everyone onboard the ship looked up as the pilot stepped out of the cockpit. "Excuse me. I wanted to let everyone know that our departure will be delayed." A few murmurs could be heard in response. "We've received word of a distress call from Vulcan. We're currently unable to establish any communication with the planet, but we should have word soon from ships being sent to assist."

Saavik felt disquieted as she sat back in her seat. Apparently a malfunctioning terminal wasn't responsible for her call to Vulcan being disrupted. What could have gone wrong on her homeworld? There were multiple types of phenomena on the planet that may have caused a distress call to be issued – earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, or severe electrical sand storms – but none of those would account for the subsequent loss of communication. Had something affected Shi'Kahr? Sarek would likely be downtown at this time of day, and she knew that Amanda had been at home. She silently wished that they could both reach safety, if their city was indeed affected. _Why can't we leave?_ She wondered. _They may need every available person to help. We shouldn't be just sitting here…_

* * *

Time dragged on, minutes seeming like hours. There was no new information, and the pilot didn't re-emerge from the cockpit. Saavik pulled out her PADD and tried to connect to the data network in the spaceport to see if she could get any news about the situation, but there was nothing available beyond what she already knew.

As she went to put the PADD back in her bag, pain greater than anything she had ever experienced suddenly ripped through her skull. The PADD clattered to the floor as she pressed both palms against her temples in a futile effort to ward off the telepathic onslaught. A few screams echoed through the room, and she was unsure if one of them had been torn from her own throat. A moment later, the sensation faded, leaving a strange feeling of…utter hollowness in its wake.

_Whatever just transpired was something incredibly terrible_, she realized. Saavik had never been a particularly strong telepath, so to experience something of that magnitude…

An eternal handful of minutes later, the ship's pilot and co-pilot emerged from the cockpit. "Attention everyone," the pilot began. "We have received communications from-from…" He trailed off and left a horrible silence that indicated how bad the news had to be.

The co-pilot stepped forward, his voice clear and mostly-steady. "Our home has been destroyed," he managed to say. "Vulcan…Vulcan is no more."

* * *

Later, Saavik would be unsure whether more was said, or whether the ship really had been plunged into the silence that she heard in her mind. In any case, those words would be all that she remembered. She remained motionless for an immeasurable amount of time after the announcement, contemplating the moment when billions of people reached out to the rest of their race as they took their last breath. Had they wished for comfort? Or merely the knowledge that they were not alone?

Were Sarek and Amanda among those that had been lost? The Ambassador and his wife were the closest things she would ever have to parents. Had she now been orphaned twice in the same short lifetime? Was Spock now in the same plight? The thought made her feel ill, and she struggled to get a hold of her emotions.

"Excuse me," a quiet voice cut into her thoughts, and she looked to see one of the ship's crew standing beside her and holding a data PADD. "I need your name and city of residence."

_A survivor's list_, Saavik realized as she gave him the information that he had requested. "How many are there?" she asked, forcing her voice not to shake.

"I do not know. This is only from our ship. A complete list will be compiled once we have reached Earth."

"Earth?" she repeated, the word slowly sinking in. Her mind felt like quicksand. "We are going to go to Earth?"

The man nodded. "Yes, miss. We are getting final clearances and then we will depart. Is there something you require?"

Saavik shook her head. "No, thank you." He continued on to the next passenger.

_Earth. Spock is on Earth._ That knowledge gave her a small comfort. At least neither of them would be alone.

* * *

TBC...


	4. Chapter 4: 2258 pt 2

2258

Enterprise limped its way back to Earth on damaged impulse engines, having lost its warp core in the process of saving the ship from the singularity that had claimed the Narada. The trip would take time, and since adrenaline highs had begun to wear off, Kirk had relieved his senior staff. However, sleep didn't come as easily as he would have liked after everything they had been through, so he returned to the Enterprise's bridge to watch their trek through the Sol system.

"Why am I not surprised to see you here?" he asked the pointed-eared figure that was sitting in the command chair.

Spock turned and rose from his seat when he realized who had spoken. "You relieved the crew to rest. I, however, have another 68.2 hours before a lack of sleep will impair my performance."

"Lack of sleep wasn't the only reason we all needed to step away from the consoles for a while," Kirk shot back. "It…it's been a helluva few days."

If only he knew how much effort it took for Spock's face to remain expressionless. "It has," he levelly replied.

"I…I'm sorry we couldn't save her, Spock. I'm sorry we couldn't save them all."

"Thank you…I believe I may be in need of rest after all. Our ETA is in 6 hours and 47 minutes."

Kirk nodded. "Thank you, Commander. That'll be all."

* * *

Spock spent those hours futilely attempting to meditate in his quarters. His emotions threatened to overwhelm his carefully built safeguards: anger that no longer had a target, grief for the lost, fear for a very uncertain future…

He still saw his mother's face every time he closed his eyes. She was just standing there, watching him with her arm outstretched as the ground beneath her ceased to exist. Eternally just beyond his reach. He hoped that her moment of fear had been brief and that there had been no pain. And Saavik…he didn't even know where she was at the moment. He had her travel details stored on a PADD somewhere back at the Academy, but he couldn't remember them. If she'd been on Vulcan, she would have been with his parents, so he assumed that she hadn't returned. Maybe her ship was still on Alderbaran III, or maybe it was somewhere along the path between the planets. He didn't allow himself to consider the possibility that maybe her transport was part of the debris field that had hung around Vulcan before its destruction.

The Enterprise was slipping into the safety of spacedock by the time Spock finally decided to stop trying to meditate. Mental peace would not be coming anytime soon. He found Sarek in one of the hallways as he joined the throng of people trying to disembark the ship.

"What is your destination?" Sarek asked his son as they found seats onboard a shuttlecraft.

"I need go to Headquarters." Starfleet had set up facilities there for everyone who had been displaced, and was also maintaining a survivor list. "I can take you to my quarters, first, if you wish to rest," he offered to his father.

The ambassador shook his head. "No, my son. I, too, must know if Saavik lives."

* * *

The two men had no way of knowing that Saavik had already arrived in San Francisco that morning. Her ship had landed amid chaos at the Starfleet hanger. Ships that had escaped Vulcan or been diverted from a destination on the now-gone planet were arriving faster than they could land, be offloaded, and get out of the way. Verified information on what exactly had happened was scarce, but unconfirmed details were quickly moving through the mass of refugees that Starfleet was in charge of organizing, housing, and feeding.

There had been some kind of never-before-seen phenomenon in the Forge, and earthquakes had been reported around the planet. There were rumors of some kind of unidentified ship in orbit before the whole thing started, but that seemed to just be gossip. Communications across the planet had been reestablished only a short time before their homeworld had imploded. Precious few had managed to escape. The initially estimated numbers of less than 10,000 had turned out to be incorrect, since they only took into account those who had gotten off Vulcan before its destruction. A few thousand others had been scattered throughout the rest of the quadrant, but the total number still seemed incredibly, terrifyingly small.

Leaving the area around the spaceport took nearly three hours; everyone's entries for the survivor list were verified and they all had to register with the planetary government. Finally, Saavik was free to head toward the Academy. She stopped and stared at her surroundings for a moment when she reached the main campus; she'd been dreaming of coming to this place for years, ever since Spock had sent her a holo-image soon after his arrival. Now, she was finally here – and holos were all that remained of Shi'Kahr.

She had no idea where she needed to go once she arrived on campus, but a sign pointed toward the administration building. Surely someone there would know where Spock's office was located. The woman sitting in the front office offered a small smile when she saw Saavik approach.

"May I help you?"

"Yes. I am looking for Commander Spock. Can you please direct me to his office?"

The woman turned to her computer terminal. "I can tell you where it is," she replied after pulling up some information, "But he won't be there."

"Is he teaching?"

"No, miss. He was assigned to the fleet that was sent to assist Vulcan."

Saavik frowned slightly. "What fleet?" No one in the hangar had mentioned anything about Federation ships being near their homeworld.

"Eight ships responded to the distress call that we received…We've only gotten word back from one of them."

"Where are the others?" Saavik asked.

There was a pause. "The communiqué from the remaining ship…it said that all other vessels were destroyed in orbit of Vulcan…well, before…" _Before Vulcan became a black hole that would have pulled in anything that used to be in its orbit._

A deep fear began to take root – she could easily calculate the odds that Spock was on the surviving ship, and they weren't good. However, this new information had left Saavik confused. What kind of phenomenon could be powerful enough to destroy a planet, but swift enough to catch multiple ships in orbit unaware? "How were the ships destroyed?"

"We're...not certain," the woman said, her eyes downcast. Saavik was sure that she knew more than what she was saying.

"Please, what have you heard?"

The woman sighed, and looked around to ensure no one else was nearby before leaning closer and lowering her voice. "It was a ship."

"What was a ship?"

"The thing that did all of this. It was a ship unlike anything I'd ever seen before. It's been destroyed now, but they're trying to keep all this from the press until the details are solid. According to the Enterprise's report, though…" she glanced around once more, and leaned even closer before continuing, "The ship was Romulan."

Saavik felt sick at the notion. "Is it part of an invasion?"

"Nobody's sure, but God, I hope not."

Even outside in the California sunshine, Saavik felt horribly cold. If a single Romulan ship was capable of all this and more might soon coming... they obviously had no defense. The Federation would quickly meet its end.

She suddenly realized what else the woman had told her: the sole surviving Federation vessel from the battle was the USS Enterprise. The brand new ship wasn't supposed to have left spacedock for another two months, but she knew that Spock had been assigned as her First Officer. It appeared that circumstances had caused the ship to be put into service early, and she hoped with all her being that he was safe onboard.

* * *

Once Spock and Sarek had finished all necessary procedures at the spacedock, they headed for Starfleet Headquarters. In the courtyard, hundreds of people – most Vulcan, but some not – crowded around large screens that scrolled through the names of the survivors of the xenocide. As they approached one of the monitors, something caught Spock's eye. Only a few meters away, a familiar brunette was watching a news report on another of the screens.

"Saavik," he called to her, relief flooding through his body like a drug. _If I had lost her as well…_

She turned around and he could see a new light in her eyes as she realized who had called her name. Saavik quickly made her way over to them. "Are you all right?" she asked both men.

"We are fine," Spock replied. "And you?" At first glance, she appeared to be uninjured.

"I am fine." It suddenly registered in her mind that something was amiss. If Spock and Sarek were here… "Where is Lady Amanda?" Saavik asked. "Was she hurt?"

She could read her friend's eyes – read the emotions he tried to bury. It frightened her that Sarek didn't seem to be doing much better of a job than his son. "She is gone," Spock finally managed to choke out. "She…" He couldn't finish, but it wasn't necessary.

For the three of them, and for thousands of others, life would never again be the same.

* * *

Later that night, Saavik sat by the window in Spock's quarters, consumed by her thoughts as she looked out upon the city.

"Saavikam," a voice quietly said, and she turned to see Spock beside her, offering a mug of what smelled like spiced tea. She wordlessly accepted it and allowed the steam from the beverage to warm her. It was so much colder here than the adopted home that she would never again see.

"How is Sarek?" she finally asked.

"He is sleeping," Spock replied. He had let his father have his bedroom in order to get some much-needed rest. "He is as well as can be expected. How are you?"

Saavik shrugged slightly, considering how to word the thoughts that raced through her mind. Part of her refused to believe that all of this had really happened. She had JUST talked to Amanda, JUST seen her happy and healthy. And now… How could everything she'd known as home be gone? Why had she refused to share her news with Amanda when she had the chance? She was haunted by the idea of the celebratory dinner with her guardins that now would never happen.

It would have been bad enough if so many lives were lost to a natural phenomenon that no one could control. But that hadn't been the case. Earlier in the evening, Spock had told her more than she'd wanted to know about the Narada. The humans had already given it the unofficial title of 'Deathship'. So, in addition to the sadness and pain that everyone was feeling, Saavik had something else to deal with: guilt and shame over the fact that she shared genes with the people responsible for all of this.

"I cannot help but wonder," she quietly said, "Is…THIS a part of me? The ability to hate so thoroughly that so atrocious of an act could be possible. Is that part of who I am?"

"One must choose to give in to hatred," Spock answered, also in a low voice, "To give in to one's emotions…to take lives."

Silence fell again for a long moment. "Do you think others would look at me differently? Look at me and wonder..." She wasn't sure how to finish that question, and Spock wasn't sure how to respond. In a perfect universe, people would be judged solely by their own actions. However, they certainly weren't living in a perfect universe. Nearly every planet in the Federation had at some point dealt with discrimination – of their own people or of other species. The coming days would likely be difficult.

"Do not volunteer information unless asked," he quietly told her, and their eyes met. No one who didn't already know needed to find out that she was half Romulan.

Saavik was about to reply, but was interrupted by the door chiming. Spock got up to answer it and found Nyota in the hallway. "Hi," she quietly said. "I know it's late, but I just wanted to see how you were doing. Did you eat dinner?"

Spock nodded. "I did. Saavik and I prepared the meal."

Her eyes widened. "Saavik is here?" She then realized that the topic of their conversation was standing just a few feet behind Spock. "Oh, good, I was so afraid to ask. Are you all right?"

Saavik bowed her head slightly in greeting. The two of them had gotten along well during Nyota's visit to Vulcan the previous summer. "I am fine, Cadet Uhura."

"It's actually Lieutenant now," she corrected the younger girl with a small smile.

"My apologies. Congratulations."

"Thank you. I'm so glad you're all right. I won't intrude; I just wanted to check on you."

Saavik started to get up in order to leave. "I can go take a walk around the campus if you wish for time alone," she offered.

Spock shook his head; the apartment was small for three people, with little in the way of privacy, but he wasn't going to put one of his guests out. "No, it is late enough that you should not be wandering alone in an area you are unfamiliar with. I will return shortly." He then followed Nyota out into the hall.

* * *

Amicable silence hung in the air as the pair descended the staircase and walked toward the park that was centrally located on campus. "You don't have to be brave anymore," Nyota quietly spoke up as they stopped under the glow of one of the streetlights. "It's just us now. You can tell me what you're really thinking…feeling."

It was a tempting offer; so many things were brewing just below the surface of his calm, emotionless shell. The unfulfilled urge to either break down in tears or scream at the top of his lungs was almost maddening. But if he allowed himself to express his dark emotions, even for an instant, would he ever be able to regain his composure?

"Although we are back on Earth," he evenly told her, "I still have responsibilities to complete, which will require that I retain strict control of myself."

Nyota sighed. "She wouldn't want this, Spock."

His eyes shot up to meet hers. "What?"

"Your mother wouldn't want you to make this worse for yourself than it already is."

"My m… My mother is not here."

She visibly flinched, and he wondered how harshly that had come out. "I know…I'm sorry, I just want to help. My offer is the same as before; tell me what you need."

_What I need I can't have_. And it was so tempting to say those words out loud, but he didn't have enough strength for the conversation that would follow. "It is late," was all Spock finally said. "You will miss curfew if you do not return to your dormitory."

Nyota slowly nodded. "All right. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Goodnight."

* * *

TBC...


	5. Chapter 5: 2258 pt 3

2258

In the morning, Saavik asked to accompany Spock to the Academy memorial service that being held to honor the members of Starfleet that had died. He had no reason to deny her request, so they walked together to the main courtyard on the waterfront while Sarek headed to Starfleet Headquarters.

It seemed as though the entire student body was present for the service. A large screen had been set up to display the names and pictures of the hundreds of senior cadets and dozens of instructors that had been slaughtered in Vulcan's orbit before the planet was destroyed. A hush fell as Admiral Barnett, Dean of the Academy, got up on the steps to address the crowd.

"We have been through difficult days," he told the students and instructors. "We have suffered the loss of siblings, children, parents, friends, and colleagues. And we are not alone in our pain. There is now a hole in space-time where a planet once existed.

"On Stardate 2258.42, the galaxy as we know it changed forever. Our lives changed forever. Two-hundred and forty-seven cadets and forty-one officers rose to the challenge when they were needed in order to help someone else. They didn't think of their own lives, or the risks that they took. They did as they were trained, and we should remember their actions with pride. And we must carry on in a way that honors all of those who were lost."

A few students read passages that were traditional for the occasion for various cultures. Saavik observed several Humans around her crying openly and she wondered for a moment what that experience would be like. She didn't remember ever crying before. She'd also never had to deal with the death of someone that she cared for. Did humans believe that emotional displays signified how deeply they felt their loss? Since Amanda had been Human, would behaving according to Vulcan custom over her death be an honor or an insult to her memory? Normally, she would ask Spock about any topic she was curious about, but this…she didn't dare ask him about this.

To end the ceremony, four training shuttles flew over the courtyard in the missing man formation. As the drone of their engines faded, the crowd began to disburse. Spock came to attention as he saw Captain Pike approach him. "At ease, Commander," the older man said before waving his hand in dismissal to the man who had been pushing his wheelchair.

"How are you, Sir?" Spock asked.

"Alive," he replied, "And for that I am grateful to you and Kirk."

Saavik lightly touched Spock's shoulder. "May I say hello to Nyota?" she asked, indicating where the communications officer was standing a few meters away. He nodded.

"Was that your sister?" Pike asked once Saavik was gone.

"No, a very close friend of my family."

Pike nodded in understanding. "I wanted to tell you I'm very sorry for what you've lost. It doesn't seem like any words would be adequate."

That was definitely true, but words were all that any of them had. "Your condolences are appreciated, Captain."

"If you need time, we're still trying to figure out what to do with the end of school year."

Spock shook his head. "I will fulfill my obligations to the Academy," he promised, "But I will be sending you my resignation, effective after the semester. I will not join the Enterprise when she is re-launched."

Pike frowned. "Resignation?"

"Yes. It is the most logical course of action; I should assist in ensuring the survival of my race."

The Captain was quiet for a moment; he understood, but that didn't mean that he had to like it. "Do you want to take a few more days to think about it?"

Spock shook his head. "That will be unnecessary. I will send you the message this evening." Pike nodded and moved away.

"You shouldn't make this decision right now," a voice said, and Spock turned to see Nyota and Saavik behind him. They had both obviously overheard the end of his conversation. "It's too soon to do something so drastic," Uhura continued.

"I disagree. Time will not change the situation."

"This isn't all about logic," she argued.

"And I believe that your concerns are personal, not professional, in nature."

Nyota froze, caught off-guard by that observation. "You're right," she finally admitted, "But I'm not going to apologize for it… If you thought that this was the right thing to do – "

"It is."

"You would have talked with me about it last night instead of making decisions and letting me find out after the fact."

He looked away. "I did not want to give you the opportunity to change my mind."

Nyota was quiet for a long moment. She knew how hard he'd worked to escape what others expected of him. It hurt to see him finally forced to conform. "I could go with you."

Spock shook his head. "No. I will not allow it."

She raised an eyebrow. "ALLOW it?"

"You have been commissioned," he explained, "And given the assignment that you most desired. It would be illogical to sacrifice that; I will not allow you to do so."

"What makes you think that you have the ability to 'allow' or 'disallow' me to do anything?" she shot back.

"I do not wish to be the cause of you abandoning your dreams."

"Like you're abandoning yours?" She regretted the words as soon as they came out of her mouth. It wasn't like he was doing this for fun; his world had ended, and she could respect the obligations he felt bound to. "I don't want to lose you," she quietly told him.

"We were always aware that we might someday be separated due to our responsibilities," he pointed out.

"Not like this…I-I guess I should go," she whispered when it was obvious that he wasn't going to say anything else. As she brushed past him, Nyota stood on her toes and briefly kissed his cheek.

Saavik was relatively certain that she wasn't supposed to have witnessed that conversation, but she had. She watched as Spock closed his eyes for a moment, trying to collect himself.

"Apologies, Saavikam," he quietly said as he looked up. "I did not intend for that to occur here."

She shook her head. "You have nothing to apologize for." She gently twined her fingers through his; the skin-to-skin contact allowed them to connect telepathically. Perhaps she could help him to center himself, as he had helped her so many times when she was a child. He had so much to be concerned with right now.

Spock knew what she was doing, and allowed himself to be lost in the familiar sensation. Saavik's mind had always been just as bright and warm with energy as she was, and for a moment he was transported back to Shi'Kahr. There had been many wonderful days, despite the struggles that he had endured there. From this point forward, life would undoubtedly be so much more complicated than anything he'd previously experienced…

Spock finally forced himself to pull away; he had always been Saavik's protector and confidant, not the other way around. It was unfair to burden her with his troubled thoughts.

"What is wrong?" she asked, confused. "Should I not have…?"

Spock shook his head. "Thank you," he quietly told her, his voice hoarse. "You did nothing wrong, Saavikam. Come, we should try to locate my father."

She nodded and obediently followed in silence. His conversation with Uhura still haunted her, however. Spock was giving up the things that he'd most wanted in order to do what was right for their people. How could she not make the same sacrifice? Saavik knew that she would have to decline her acceptance to the Academy.

* * *

Spock spent the entirety of the following day at the Starfleet Hangar, assisting with the organization of supplies that were pouring into the facility. Allies from all over the quadrant had stepped up to support the endangered Vulcan race, from sending items like food and clothing to promising able bodies willing to help with construction once a new homeworld was found. Getting everything organized for distribution to the refugee camp that Starfleet had set up was a major challenge.

By the time that night fell over the city, he still hadn't returned home, so Saavik and Sarek prepared dinner together. She felt a swell of sadness when she realized that some of the ingredients in Spock's kitchen were items from Vulcan that she and Amanda had shipped to him only a couple weeks before. The sharp contrast between life then and life now was incredible.

"Do you think that Spock is all right?" Saavik asked Sarek as they cleaned up.

"I am certain that he is fine. If this was not the case, I would have been contacted." She couldn't argue with that logic, but was still unsettled. "What did you do today while I was at Headquarters?" His days had been full of discussions with Starfleet officials about what came next for the remnants of the Vulcan race.

"I walked," Saavik replied.

"You traveled around the campus?"

"And beyond it. I became lost twice, but managed to find my way back here. I wished to observe as much as possible about this city and its inhabitants."

Sarek nodded slightly. "I remember making similar explorations when I first arrived on this world more than seventy years ago."

"Is it very different now?"

"Nothing stays the same for that amount of time. There was a large earthquake in 2206 that caused great damage to many historical landmarks, and new buildings were constructed in their places. The transportation system is continually being improved. Starfleet headquarters and the Academy have grown, of course. Both institutions celebrated 25 years of existence shortly after I first visited. "

"Where else have you traveled to on the planet?"

"I have been to all seven continents. They differ greatly in climates, history, and traditions."

"I would very much like to see more of this world. Did you have a favorite location?"

He did indeed: a beach south of San Francisco where he and Amanda had gone after their wedding on Earth. Most water on Vulcan was underground, but here…two-thirds of Earth was freely flowing liquid. Sarek had always been fascinated with shorelines and Amanda had enjoyed showing him what the planet had to offer. He wondered if he would ever be able to watch a sunset over the ocean again without thinking of her…

Sarek realized that he hadn't actually answered Saavik's question, and was not going to voice the thoughts he'd just had. Seeing the curious and slightly concerned expression on her face was enough to threaten his tenuous composure; when (and how) had she managed to inherit that look from his wife? "Apologies, Saavik," he quietly told her. "I believe I should go meditate. We can perhaps continue this discussion at a later time."

She nodded slowly, and watched him retreat to the privacy of Spock's bedroom. After finishing up in the kitchen, she settled on the couch to consider the complexities of the entity known as a family. It was plainly obvious to her that Sarek had been very attached to his wife, even if she had never heard him say so out loud. She'd been able to visibly see his devotion over the years, even though Spock had not. Each of her guardians had cared for their son very deeply as well, though they expressed it in very different ways. Perhaps they were not a traditional family, but they were the only one that Saavik had ever been close to, and they'd been perfect in her eyes. They had given her so much over the years, and she wished to honor Amanda by taking care of the ones that she had left behind.

As she started to drift off, she grabbed a blanket to keep warm. _If Spock isn't back by morning,_ _I will go looking for him, regardless of what Osu Sarek says. He doesn't need to be alone._

* * *

The rising sun seemed to make the metal structures within the Starfleet Hangar glow like fire as Saavik walked between the ships and full pallets of supplies, looking for Spock. She finally saw him standing a few meters away and speaking with an older man that she quickly realized was Vulcan. They offered each other traditional salutes before the other man walked away.

"Who was that?" she asked as she joined him.

"An old friend," Spock told her, preoccupied with his thoughts as he watched his elder self disappear behind a ship. He quickly dismissed the conversation he'd just had and turned to her. "What are you doing here?"

She offered him the small bag she was carrying; it held a container of food and utensils. "I thought that you should probably eat something."

"Thank you, Saavikam."

"I was worried about you, when you never returned to your apartment last night."

"I became very involved in my work," he told her. "And Vulcans do not worry."

"I am not fully Vulcan," she quietly pointed out. Spock nodded in consent.

They found a quiet corner with a desk where he could eat the meal that she'd brought. Saavik sat with him, watching all of the activity in the hangar. "How long do you think we're all going to stay here?" she asked at one point. "On Earth, I mean."

"I am uncertain, but work is being done to find our people a new home… However, I will not be there to see it with you."

"What do you mean?"

"I have changed my mind, and will elect to remain with Starfleet. It…it is where I belong."

She considered that. "What will you do? Continue teaching?"

"I am hoping that a…friend will have a use for my services aboard his ship."

Saavik was quiet for a long moment. "Do you believe that Starfleet is where I belong?"

Spock raised an eyebrow. "I do not under – You passed the examination," he suddenly realized. It had all been forgotten in the haze of the past few days.

She nodded. "It seemed so insignificant. And after you said you would stay with us – with our people – I knew that I could not accept."

"You worked very hard for that honor."

"But is it important now? I do not know where I should go."

"That is up to you – and you alone."

Silence fell as she considered his words. Recent events had changed so much in the quadrant, had already changed the course of her life in ways she couldn't yet know. But they hadn't changed who she was and what she wanted. And she knew what Amanda would tell her to do, if she was there.

"Do you think I will be an acceptable Cadet?" she finally asked.

Spock shook his head. "No. I am certain that you will be an exceptional cadet."

* * *

Spock spent a few more hours at the Hangar before finally returning home to have dinner with his guests and speak with Sarek. He hadn't thought that informing his father of his decision would go smoothly, but he was pleasantly surprised. It was likely that the Ambassador was disappointed that they would all be separated, but he did not disapprove.

There was then only one other person that Spock needed to talk to; he requested a video communication with now-Admiral Pike.

"Good evening, Sir," he said when the older man appeared on his communications terminal.

"Good evening, Spock. What can I do for you?"

"I have put more consideration into my decision to resign from Starfleet and have realized that I do not wish to leave. I can still help my people through the accomplishments that I make here, as an officer. I regret that I did not heed your advice of waiting before submitting my letter of resignation."

Pike smiled slightly. "What letter of resignation?"

Spock frowned. "I sent the document to you two nights ago after we spoke at the memorial."

The Admiral shrugged. "Really? I don't remember receiving anything. I'm in the process of getting everything organized to be moved to my new office; it's entirely possible that I deleted a file I knew the sender didn't really want to have submitted."

Spock suddenly realized what he was doing. "Thank you, Sir."

Pike nodded. "The Enterprise will be lucky to have you, Commander."

* * *

TBC...


	6. Chapter 6: 2262 pt 1

2262

Captain James Kirk lounged in his chair on the Enterprise's bridge, munching on an apple. "ETA to spacedock, Lieutenant Sulu?" he asked.

"Two hours, Sir."

Kirk sighed. "Can't come fast enough."

"Someone waiting for you in San Francisco, Sir?" his communications officer asked. Uhura's tone and expression were supposed to be innocent, but her eyes were wicked.

"Lieutenant," Kirk began, "I'd ask if you had work you were supposed to be doing instead of mocking a superior officer, but I know damn well that you don't. Cruising into dock is the most painfully boring and eternally long part of every mission."

She grinned. "You could catch up on your mission reports, Sir."

He snorted. "Yeah, sure."

"I would point out that an uneventful trip should be preferable to the alternative," Spock spoke up from his seat at the science station.

"Depends on exactly how bad that alternative is," Kirk replied. "I wouldn't mind a tiny bit of action to break up the trip."

"Bite your tongue, Sir," Chekov told him. "I, for one, would like to arrive on time."

Spock looked down as a message appeared on his computer terminal: DO YOU HAVE PLANS FOR YOUR LEAVE? It had been sent from the communications station, and Uhura offered him a small smile when he looked over at her.

I DO, he sent back. ARE YOU GOING TO VISIT YOUR PARENTS?

FOR PART OF THE TIME. A FRIEND FROM THE ACADEMY INVITED ME TO JOIN HER ON MARS FOR A FEW DAYS.

HAVE A PLEASURABLE TIME. Their eyes met once more, and Nyota offered another small grin before returning her attention to the meager amounts of work that required completion by the time they arrived on Earth.

Four years earlier, when Spock had decided to join the Enterprise's crew after all, he and Nyota had some interesting… discussions. (Anyone who'd had quarters adjacent to hers had called them 'arguments,' but Spock refused to use the term. Vulcans do not argue.) They could have resumed their relationship, since they were once again assigned to the same location, but there was nothing to stop them from ending up in the exact same place at some point in the future. And they both knew it. It had been a difficult, though mutual decision that it would be better to remain friends than nothing at all.

Spock turned back to his own console hoping that Kirk's wish would go unfulfilled. He had somewhere to be once they arrived.

* * *

Friendly banter between the bridge officers helped the time move a little more quickly, but the euphoria in the room was almost palpable when Sulu declared that they were hard docked and cleared to board the station.

"Have you got that shuttle schedule ready?" Kirk asked his communications officer as he rose from his chair. Getting 800-hundred-odd people off of the ship and down to the surface was no small task. Everyone had been assigned a departure time, and it would take a couple hours before they were all offloaded by shuttle.

Uhura nodded. "The spacedock just approved it. The first ships leave in 30 minutes."

"I expect that our names will be on the roster for the first trip down?" Kirk asked with a supposedly-innocent grin.

She handed him a PADD to verify. "Rank hath its privileges."

The grin on Kirk's face reminded her of a small child on Christmas morning. "Excellent! Unless any of you are also planning on spending your leave on the Hawaiian Islands, I will see you all in three weeks. Dismissed."

"You know, you never did tell me what your plans were for your leave," Nyota commented to Spock as they rode the turbolift to the shuttlebay.

"I will be traveling to the Colony, but I am currently headed for the Academy," he replied.

She smiled. "Tell Saavik that I said hello."

* * *

**_Captain's log, Stardate 2262.33. The Starship Odyssey is on a training mission to Gamma Hydra, Section Fourteen, coordinates 22.87.4. Approaching the Neutral Zone; all systems are normal and functioning._**

Sitting in the command chair of her simulated starship, Saavik carefully watched her crew of Academy instructors and senior cadets. The exact details of the exercise she was enduring were kept a closely guarded secret by the instructors, but every cadet knew it would be a mental challenge that surpassed even the psych test on the entrance exam.

"Leaving section fourteen for section fifteen," her helmsman informed her.

Saavik had participated in several training simulations over the past four years, and had recently completed a three-week assignment on the Academy's training ship. The command chair wasn't her usual seat on a bridge (she was specializing in navigation), but she didn't dislike it. Whatever the instructors decided to throw at her, she was confident that she could deal with it.

"Captain, I'm receiving something on the distress channel," her communications officer suddenly spoke up.

_And the test begins…_ "On speakers."

A distorted, static-filled message began to play for all to hear. "…imperative! This is the Kobayashi Maru, nineteen periods…out of Altair Six. We have struck…gravitic mine…lost all power…hull penetrated and…many casualties."

"This is the Starship Odyssey," the comm. officer replied into his headset. "Your message is breaking up. Can you give your exact coordinates? Repeat, this is the Starship Odyssey – "

"Odyssey, our position is Gamma Hydra, Section Ten. Life support systems failing…" the Kobayashi Maru's captain continued, "Can you assist us, Odyssey? Can you assist?"

Saavik was pretty sure she understood the test. The Kobayashi Maru was in the Neutral Zone, and crossing its border would be an act of war. But she considered the risk to be low; there were no other ships in the area and the crippled ship's crew faced certain death if she didn't intervene. "Plot an intercept course," she ordered her helmsman.

"Should I remind you that if a starship enters the Zone – "

She cut him off. "No."

He nodded. "Estimating two minutes to intercept…Now entering the Neutral Zone."

The viewscreen displayed the stricken vessel as they approached. "Stand by transporter room," Saavik ordered after toggling the communications system. "Be ready to beam the survivors aboard."

"Captain, I've lost their signal!" her comm. officer told her, sounding somewhat bewildered.

"Alert!" the computer called. "Sensors indicate seven Romulan Birds of Prey, bearing three-one-six, mark four. Closing fast."

"Battle stations!" Saavik ordered. "Activate shields!" Alarms began to play and the lights dimmed. "Inform the Romulans that we are on a rescue mission – "

"They're jamming all frequencies, Captain," her comm. officer interrupted.

"Birds of Prey on attack course and closing," the computer warned them.

The Kobayashi Maru waited for her, just out of reach. If they dropped shields, if they stayed around long enough to do any good, they'd only be rescuing the survivors from one ship to condemn them to death on another. There were no good options.

The viewscreen changed to show the Birds of Prey that were coming toward them. Saavik wasn't sure why, but something about those simulated ships shook her to the core. _Run!_ a little voice inside of her screamed. _Don't let them catch you! Run!_

"Captain? What should we do?" her helmsman asked. "Captain?"

"Reverse course," Saavik replied. "Get us out of here."

"Yes, Captain."

"Alert!" the computer spoke up. "Romulan torpedoes activated. Alert!"

"Evasive action!" she ordered, but it wouldn't be enough. The ship was hit hard, sending everyone flying. "Engineering, damage report!" she requested as she pulled herself back to her feet.

"Main energizer hit!"

"Engage auxiliary power. Prepare to return fire." If they could get one good shot, maybe they could have just enough time to escape… But then they took another hit, a big one. Panels all over the bridge exploded and alarms began to wail even louder than they already had been.

"Shields collapsing!" the cadet at tactical reported.

"Fire all phasers!" Saavik told her, but the Orion girl shook her head.

"There is no power to the weapons."

They took a third hit and more of the bridge crew fell. This time most of them did not get up. "We're dead in space, Captain," her chief engineer told her via the intercom.

That was it, then. "Activate escape pods. Send out the Log Buoy." Saavik toggled the communications system. "All hands abandon ship. Repeat: all hands abandon ship."

The lighting level suddenly returned to normal, the alarms gone. Environmental systems began to clear the smoke that had been introduced to the simulator, and her 'dead' crewmen began to get up from their places on the floor. The side wall of the bridge opened, and Saavik tried to pull herself together as the lead observer entered the room.

"Very shortly, you and your crew would be prisoners of the Romulan Star Empire," Admiral Pike told her. Saavik raised her chin and did her best to not let him know how much that notion terrified her.

"All trainees to the briefing room," he ordered when she didn't respond. The other cadets filed out through the door that would lead to the turbolift on a real vessel. As the other instructors left through the main door, he noticed that Saavik was staying behind. "Something to say, Cadet?"

Saavik forced her voice not to shake. "Permission to speak candidly, Sir?"

_This ought to be interesting._ "Granted," he replied with a nod.

"The scenario was highly effective, but I question its realism."

Pike frowned slightly. "You think it's an effective simulation AND you think it's unrealistic?"

"Yes, Sir…In your experience, how often has an enemy fleet of seven ships been used against a single Starfleet vessel?"

"Cadet, are you implying that the training simulation is unfair?"

She considered the question a moment before nodding. "Yes, I do not believe this was a fair test of my command abilities."

"And why not?"

"Because there was no way to win."

_There it was_. Pike couldn't help but smile inwardly at her utterance of the phrase that thousands of cadets had used before her. "Do you truly believe that no one who worked on the simulation and no one who has taken it before has ever noticed that the odds couldn't be beaten?"

Saavik froze, and her cheeks took a slightly green tint as she blushed. "No, Admiral. I admit that I had not considered that possibility."

"You were given a no-win situation – something any commander may have to face at any time. Out there, Cadet – " he pointed to the viewscreen, which had been reset and now once again showed an image of serene empty space, "It's not about the grade you get at the end of the day. You could know every answer to every question and still fail. How we deal with death is at least as important as how we deal with life, wouldn't you say?"

She wondered for a moment if by 'deal with' he really meant 'avoid.' In her opinion, humans seemed overly preoccupied with death, especially with the idea of forestalling it. However, she knew better than to voice those thoughts. "Y-yes, Sir," was all she told the Admiral.

He nodded. "Carry on, Cadet." She turned and headed for the briefing room.

* * *

From the observation room, a pair of eyes watched her go. Spock sighed to himself as he sat back in his chair, thinking about what he'd witnessed. To throw such a scenario at Saavik had possibly been a larger test than its programmers had intended, but in the real galaxy, one could not customize their battles to suit their strengths and avoid their demons. He had certainly seen others do far worse at the Kobayashi Maru test during his years as its programmer.

Pike offered him a small smile as he re-entered the room. "She keeps the entire faculty on their toes," he told Spock of Saavik. "I don't think we've had such a curious, quick learner since…well, perhaps since you, Commander."

He nodded slightly. "I expected nothing less of her."

* * *

TBC...

**A/N: the Kobyashi Maru test was modified from ST2**


	7. Chapter 7: 2262 pt 2

Saavik sat alone in the training conference room as her 'crewmembers' left. They would receive their official marks from Admiral Pike in a few days time, but their instructor had given them much to think about during the debriefing.

The scenario had rattled her, and she wasn't sure why. It wasn't as though she'd never seen an image of Bird of Prey before. And it certainly wasn't as though she'd never had another ship firing weapons at her during a simulation. What was it about the combination of those two things that had such an effect on her? She rubbed her right temple in an attempt to stave off a headache. There was something there, some memory lingering just beyond her grasp. Most of her childhood still evaded her, other than vague notions of a life filled with anger and pain and violence. Some part of her knew that what she DIDN'T remember was far worse than what she DID.

"Saavikam," a voice said, and she turned to see Spock was standing in the doorway. Instantly she got to her feet.

"Apologies, Commander. I did not hear you enter."

Spock was fully aware of that; he'd seen her expression, deep in thought. "At ease. This is not an official visit."

She nodded slightly, and just barely relaxed her posture. "When did the Enterprise reach dock?"

"This morning."

"How long will you be on Earth?"

"Only until tomorrow. I wanted to take this opportunity to go to the Colony." He hadn't been in more than three years, since just after its settlement. "I was wondering if you might join me."

Saavik raised an eyebrow. "For what purpose?"

"I am aware that you have only taken leave during a semester break once since beginning your education here four years ago."

She nodded. "It would have been inefficient not to utilize the time for my studies."

"Although that is a seemingly logical conclusion, it does not always hold true." He didn't elaborate further, leaving it as something else to add to her quickly-growing list of things to ponder.

Saavik considered his offer and finally nodded. "All right. When do we depart?"

* * *

Sarek was waiting at the spaceport in the Colony's capital when Spock and Saavik's shuttle landed. Spock had chosen to pilot a vessel himself, allowing them to keep their own schedule instead of being dependent on the transport lines that ran through the quadrant.

"How was your journey?" Sarek asked his son as they began to make their way toward his home under the light of the setting sun.

"Lengthy," he replied, "But without incident."

"You look well," he told Saavik. "How have your studies been progressing?"

"Satisfactorily," she replied. "I have one additional semester remaining, but will have a third specialty when I graduate."

"Engineering, Astrophysics, and…?"

"Federation History."

Sarek raised an eyebrow. "Interesting."

"Oh," Saavik said a thought suddenly came to her, "I acquired this for you." She dug into the bag that was slung over her shoulder and produced a fist-sized clear cube that held a few tiny seedlings growing in a soil-analogue. "To replace the others," she explained.

Sarek nodded. "Thank you, Saavik."

"What others?" Spock asked with a slight, confused frown.

"I have known for many years that I have no skill for growing things," Sarek told him. "Her garden has been terribly abused while she has been at school."

"You have a garden?" Spock hadn't yet seen his father's new home on the planet; it had still been under construction during his last visit.

Saavik smiled slightly. "That title is perhaps generous," she admitted. "I spent my only other semester break from the Academy here with Osu Sarek and obtained a few types of seedlings to plant. It seemed odd not to have green things around after being so accustomed to Lady Amanda's garden."

"It was an unexpected comfort," Sarek told them. "However, I believe the plants would have been better off if their care had been left to another in your absence."

Saavik shook her head. "I am sure they are fine."

"You will see for yourself. I believe I will leave this," he indicated her gift, "as well as the others to your capable care while you are here."

"As you desire, Osu."

* * *

Sarek had a comfortable house on the edge of the new capital city. It wasn't as grand as his family home on Vulcan, but was still above the standard that most lived in on the Colony. In the morning, after they had all shared a meal, Saavik and Spock set out on foot to explore the capital.

"May I ask you a question?" she spoke up at one point after they had spent several minutes in amicable silence.

"Proceed," Spock replied.

"Do you ever wonder whether we should have stayed here?"

"I have, at times… Father sent word soon after the colony's founding that they were having some difficulty restarting the Science Academy, and I wondered if I should return to teach."

"Why didn't you?"

"I was once urged to put aside logic and do what 'feels' to be right…I felt my place was where I already was."

"I could have returned here last year, attended the Science Academy. Maybe I would have received a post aboard a Vulcan science vessel."

"Why didn't you?" he echoed her earlier question.

"I-I wanted more…Is that wrong of me?"

Spock shook his head. "You have opportunities available to you at Starfleet Academy that cannot be found anywhere else in the galaxy. It is good to know that you value them."

"I wish to return someday," she asserted. "At times…at times I feel like I have no home. I am not half-human, as you are, and therefore claim no ties to Earth. This is the world of my people now, and yet I hardly know it."

He slowly nodded. "Understandable. I share your thoughts."

"I remember first arriving in Shi'Kahr as a child," she told him. "Everything was so foreign. I would watch the city from the window at the institution. I had no connection to the planet or people at the time, but it still fascinated me. I considered it to be…organized chaos."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "An interesting description."

"Everyone had their own destination in mind, their own purpose. But they all were governed by a uniform structure, their behavior and decisions had a model to fall within. All I knew before that was…chaotic chaos."

"I believe that I recall teaching you many years ago that a word cannot be used to describe itself," he pointed out.

Saavik smiled slightly. "I am aware. On Earth, my statement would be found mildly humorous…Human humor is a difficult concept."

Spock nodded. "It is indeed."

* * *

A few days later, as the sun began to set and the colony's twin moons rose in the sky, Spock found Saavik outside tending to the garden. Many of the plants had originated on Earth, just as with Amanda's garden, and were reengineered to survive in the climate. Spock recognized clematises, chrysanthemums, and jasmine among a few alien forms of vegetation.

"I did not believe it was possible to kill cacti in a desert," Saavik somewhat amusedly commented when she noticed him. She indicated a couple small dead husks lying on the ground beside her. "Perhaps Osu Sarek was correct when he stated that he possessed no skill for plant care."

"My mother quickly ceased her efforts to teach him," Spock agreed. "But you…she would have said that you possessed 'a green thumb'."

Saavik nodded. "She used that expression once. I remember checking to ensure that I did not have a bleeding cut on my finger."

"I had a similar reaction the first time that I heard it… I can picture her here, sitting with you. She cared a great deal for her flowers."

"I can imagine it as well… She always enjoyed being outside to watch the sunset over the Forge and take care of her garden."

"It is good that you did this."

Saavik stopped at that, looking up at him with a thoughtful expression. "I was unsure how you would react…whether it would be an unwelcome reminder."

Spock was quiet for a long moment, reaching out to touch one of the clematis blooms. "Memories are all that we have," he finally said before making his way back into the house.

* * *

Sarek had been inside, watching the two of them together. "She keeps your mother's spirit alive in this house," he told his son. His eyes were still focused on Saavik as she continued to tend to the garden. "I have missed her while she has been at the Academy…I have missed you both."

"I have missed you as well, Father."

"I trust that things have been going well for you?" Sarek asked as he took a seat on the sofa.

Spock nodded. "It is likely that after its upgrades are completed, the Enterprise will be tasked with a long-duration exploration mission."

The elder man nodded his approval. "I am sure that notion pleases you."

"It does."

"Do you know where Saavik will be assigned once she is commissioned?"

"That will be up to her. I spoke with Admiral Pike while at the Academy; several captains have already shown interest in her after her performance on her training voyage."

"Including your Captain Kirk?" Sarek inquired.

Spock nodded. He'd had a conversation with Kirk about Saavik only a few days before the Enterprise had reached Earth. "As I said, it will be her decision."

"Indeed. That small, undisciplined child that you brought home for dinner has become a remarkable woman."

Spock nodded again. He had never been tempted to feel jealous of his parents' affection for Saavik; it would have been illogical not to provide for someone so obviously in need of so much. He inwardly cringed to think of what her life might have been otherwise. "Yes, she has."

"She would be a good match for you, my son," Sarek commented.

Spock looked up, an eyebrow raised. "I do not believe that I heard you correctly."

His father ignored his disbelief. "It is not unworthy of consideration; neither of you were betrothed as a child. It is true there is an age difference, but it is not significant."

"Father, stop," Spock told him. "What you suggest is highly illogical."

"What I suggest is a necessity for the continued existence of our people," he returned. "I have received many questions of when either of you will fulfill your obligations."

Spock frowned slightly. _Why is this the first time that I am hearing of it? _"You did not speak out against our decisions to remain with Starfleet."

"I am aware. Since you both are in…unique positions, your bonding with each other would be a logical solution. You could continue your current duties and still abide by the Council's principles."

"I know very well that marriage is not the only obligation the Council would desire to see fulfilled," Spock pointed out.

Sarek shrugged slightly. "You are both young. There is time enough for children later." Spock had a feeling that 'later' would come very quickly. "Why do you resist this, my son? I can plainly see that you care for her a great deal."

"That is not the matter which we debate."

"Then convince me why you dismiss the notion and we will not speak of it again."

_Because she deserves more than such a forced arrangement_, he thought. _Because I do not want to burden her with these concerns when she is on the edge of receiving the rewards of her hard work. Because I have an excruciatingly human fear of losing her if she does not agree._

However, he voiced none of these responses to his father. "It…it is illogical," was all he could finally come up with before quickly leaving the room.

Sarek settled back into his seat, contemplating the exchange. He didn't notice as the door to the garden quietly closed.

* * *

Saavik carefully shut the door, remaining outside, and sighed as she retook a seat on the ground amid her plants. She had been on her way back inside, since the sun had disappeared behind the horizon, when she heard Spock and his father talking. She hadn't wanted to interrupt them, and truly hadn't meant to overhear the last part of their conversation, but she'd ended up with an earful.

She hadn't ever given much consideration to the idea of marrying. Given what she was and the background that she'd had, who would want her? She had never really possessed friends during her years of schooling, and even if she had, the vast majority of her peers were dead now. Spock had been one of very few constants of her life. The idea that he saw her in the same manner that so many others did – as something that should be discarded due to damage – bothered her greatly.

No matter how far she came, would it ever be far enough?

* * *

TBC...


	8. Chapter 8: 2262 pt 3

Saavik was quiet for most of the rest of their visit, and Spock could not ascertain the reason why. It concerned him; she had always been able to tell him anything – and everything – she was thinking. _Perhaps during our voyage back to Earth she will be more talkative,_ he thought to himself as they made the walk from Sarek's home to the spaceport.

"Have a safe journey," Sarek told his son once their small ship had been loaded and prepared. He raised his hand in the traditional splayed-finger gesture. "Live long and prosper."

"Peace and long life," Spock replied, mimicking his father's sign. Saavik did the same.

Soon, they had left the colony behind and were faced with nothing but open space. "I find it difficult to believe that there is something so utterly fascinating on that console," Spock commented after Saavik had spent a good hour intently focused on her terminal.

She glanced up at him, one eyebrow raised, but she said nothing before looking back down. Spock sighed, reminded of their days in school in Shi'Kahr. She'd always been masterful at the art of shutting out people or things that she didn't want to deal with. Her teachers had mistaken stubbornness for a lack of intelligence, but he had been able to get past it.

Spock ensured that the autopilot was set and then turned to her. "Saavikam – "

"Do not call me that," she finally spoke up.

He frowned. "I have called you that for years."

"I am no longer a child."

Of that, he was aware. "It merely denotes affection," he replied. "But I will discontinue its use if you prefer."

She gave a single nod. "Thank you."

"May I ask what is troubling you, Saavik?" Her name was slowly and deliberately pronounced.

"I am fine," she tightly replied.

"I find that difficult to believe as well."

Saavik reached into the small bag that was beside her seat and retrieved a PADD. "I have reading that I should complete," she said, hoping that Spock would leave her alone if it was for the benefit of her education. However, her wish was not granted.

"We have a long journey ahead; I believe that it can wait."

Saavik sighed, putting down the PADD. "I have nothing to dis – "

She was abruptly cut off as the ship rocked violently; the interior lights flickered and alarms began to play. "Warning!" the computer announced just a little too late. "Unidentified vessel on an intercept course."

"Shields are at 81 percent," Saavik reported as she turned back to her console. "Can we outrun them?" Their small craft had limited shielding and even more limited armaments – it didn't stand a chance in a fight.

"We will attempt to do so." But they didn't get very far; their attackers were just as quick.

"Shields are at 54 percent," she called out when another hit jolted them.

"Transfer power from secondary systems," Spock ordered.

Her fingers danced over the keys. "No effect."

Spock attempted to get the ship's poor excuse for a tactical system to lock onto their target, but they were hit once more before he could complete the task.

"Shields at 12 percent!" Saavik called over wailing alarms.

"Weapons are offline." They met each other's gaze for a moment. Out here, between solar systems, they were on their own.

A final blast of enemy fire collapsed the shields. Moments later, the whine of a transporter filled the ship's small cabin as three tall, armored aliens appeared, each holding a gun. "Play nice and no one gets hurt," one of them claimed. "The girl is coming with us."

Spock had tried to reach for the phaser that was in a small compartment beside his seat, but it had been too late. _They must be pirates_, he realized as he studied their appearance. _Or bounty hunters…_ Their clothing was similar, but not uniform enough to be official wears. "I would ask that you reconsider," he told them. "She is merely a Vulcan student, and likely of no value to you. Take me in her place."

Saavik shot him a look that he could clearly interpret as a question of: _What are you doing?_ However, she was smart enough not to say a word aloud.

The hunter laughed, a harsh barking sound. "'Merely a Vulcan student'?" he repeated before signaling to his men with a tip of his head. One of the lackeys roughly yanked Saavik to her feet while the other pulled out a scanner. He waived it in front of her, and then nodded to his commander.

"She is a genetic match," he confirmed.

He smiled an ugly smile. "She is DEFINITELY more than JUST a Vulcan," he told Spock. "Isn't that right, pe'hlai?" he asked Saavik. She instantly tensed at the term, which meant 'little bird' in Romulan. Where she had heard it before, she wasn't sure, but she knew that very bad things lay ahead.

Spock tried to take advantage of the fact that the man's attention was on Saavik and raise his weapon, but he wasn't quite fast enough. A bolt of energy arched through the room as the commander fired his gun. Spock slumped, unconscious, in his seat.

"No!" Saavik cried, trying to go to him, but she was firmly held in place by two pairs of hands.

"Now, now," the commander told her. "A second shot will kill. You wouldn't want that, would you, pe'hlai?"

Everything in her was screaming, but she was forced to back down, shaking her head. "Please, do not harm him."

He laughed. "All right – since you asked so nicely." And without warning, he shot her as well. His smile grew as Saavik's body went limp in the other men's arms. "Oh, I'm going to make such a fortune off your little head," he proclaimed before toggling a device attached to his belt. All four of them disappeared as they were transported away.

* * *

When Spock regained consciousness, he was at first unaware of where he was or what had happened. It all quickly came back to him a moment later. She had been right there – right there in front of him – and now…

"Saavik?" he called, though he was not truly expecting to get a response. One did not come; he was alone in the ship. Spock had been responsible for her safety, and he had failed, just like with… He did not allow his thoughts to continue down that path.

A quick check of sensors showed that there were no other vessels in the area. His engines were still functional and all other critical systems were still powered. Spock re-plotted the course for Earth (the ship had been adrift during his few hours of unconsciousness) and reset the autopilot to use every drop of speed that the tiny vessel had.

"Computer," he ordered, "Archive all internal and external sensor data from today and transfer to handheld."

The computer beeped in acknowledgment, and a few moments later, he saw the files appear on the PADD that he'd laid down on the console. With that information, hopefully he would be able to identify the ship that had attacked them, use the Federation sensor grid to track its course, and discover where Saavik had been taken. Because he was GOING to find her, he promised himself. There was no other option.

* * *

Saavik awoke to dim lighting and a throbbing headache. As she sat up and slowly got her bearings, she realized that she was being held within a painfully small prison cell. Not much more than a square meter in area, it was defined by thick metal bars. On both sides of her were more cages; they lined the stone-walled room that she was inside of.

_Where am I?_ It was all familiar in a haunting way, but she didn't know why.

She started to try to stand up and quickly decided that was not a sound idea; the cage was also only approximately a meter in height. Opting to kneel instead, she checked to see what she'd been left with. Her communication device was definitely gone, and she'd been stripped of her Academy uniform jacket, leaving only the black tank top that she'd had on underneath. Her shoes and socks had also been removed; her feet were bare in the cool sand that covered the floor.

She listened carefully, but heard no trace of her captors nearby. She was morbidly curious as to who had gone through all of the trouble to have her abducted and brought to some unidentified world. "Is anyone there?" she called out, but there was no response.

The walls were cracked and crumbling, but still sturdy enough that she couldn't make a hole all the way through. Sighing, she turned and decided to test the strength of the bars that imprisoned her. The entire cage rattled around her as she grasped and shook the door, but didn't open. She sat back down against the wall and, as her frustration built up and spilled over, used one foot to deliver a fierce kick to the bars. Something toppled off of the top of the cage, and Saavik stared in horror as she leaned forward and realized what it was.

A skeleton, still wrapped in dirty, tattered clothing.

Images suddenly came to her: she could remember being in that room when it was in slightly better condition. She had been standing beside a pile of broken, helpless bodies as sticky green blood soaked into the sand. Someone had been laughing. Someone else had been screaming, a horrible noise of pain and fear.

Saavik closed her eyes against the unbidden memory and turned away from the body in front of her. But it was too late; the floodgates had already been opened. More images came, from other horrible days. She remembered others crouched in the now-empty cages and menacing faces glowering down at them. Sounds echoed through her mind: crying and screaming and yelling – begging. She clamped her hands over her ears and squeezed her eyes shut, as if that would stop the onslaught.

"You remember, don't you?" a voice asked. A real voice, existing not in her tortured past, but in the present. Saavik looked up to see a man standing in the doorway to the room. He was illuminated from behind, the bright lights from another room shining in and making it nearly impossible to see his features. However, she didn't need to see him. Saavik knew that voice, a voice from nightmares that she was just beginning to recall.

The man stepped closer, into the pitifully small amount of light that was being cast from a single dying lamp in the ceiling. The smile he offered her was more frightening than reassuring. "You haven't forgotten me, little one." It wasn't a question.

"It is not for lack of trying, Centurion Izvek," she replied.

He laughed. "After all this time, you are finally home."

Saavik defiantly lifted her chin. "This is not my home."

He tsked. "You were born two rooms over. Such a fragile little thing, small and helpless."

"And yet you chose not to put an end to my existence."

"Oh, I will admit to considering it. Some of my men should have found a better way to fill their off-duty time. But then I learned that you had value: highly effective motivation."

"To do what?"

The evil smile returned. "Whatever I wanted."

Saavik suddenly remembered being held off the ground, a knife to her throat, as the guard that gripped her yelled orders to four Vulcans. They'd refused to do as they were told for their own sakes or each other's, but once her safety was in the balance...

"You used them as test subjects."

"We needed to ensure that our designs were successful. Did you expect us to use our own kind?"

Memories were still trickling in. "Designs...for weapons. That was what you were tasked with. A secret group...without the Empire's approval."

The Centurion's smile turned more forced. "We were ensuring the supremacy of our people by any means necessary."

"Means that the Emperor found abhorrent," Saavik realized. She could remember overhearing a late night argument between the officers. There were lots of raised voices talking about orders – and consequences. "When your experiments were discovered, they were ended."

"We were a two day journey from those giving orders on Romulus. There was no need to retain any of our subjects…or the little abominations that they'd borne."

Abominations. Plural. Saavik suddenly realized that the 'others' she'd previously remembered seeing in the cages were children – more savage little half-breeds like her. She had vague memories of being on the sun-scorched surface of this world with them, running and hearing guards shout in Romulan. At one point in her life, she had not been the only one of her kind.

"I was different," she absently mused aloud.

The Centurion's eyes glittered dangerously. "My weakness; a pet I had for some reason become fond of. I was going to keep you for myself, pe'hlai, when all traces of our work were…erased. But you never reached Romulus."

Saavik's features hardened. "The escort that you provided wanted to share your 'pet.' I would have preferred 'erasure' with the others."

"Your escort was my younger brother. He died by your hand, did he not?"

"He did."

He nodded slowly. "Then it is not too late for your wish to be granted. I will have you, my little bird, for one last time. And when I am done, you will have the death on this world that you desired."

* * *

TBC...

**A/N: Thanks for the feedback I've gotten! Glad you're enjoying the story so far.**


	9. Chapter 9: 2262 pt 4

By the time that Spock returned to Earth, he had already been in communication with Headquarters. They'd downloaded the readings he'd saved and begun the process of trying to find the ship that had taken Saavik. So far, the results weren't encouraging.

"We were able to pick up the vessel on Federation defense sensors," an Admiral briefed Spock upon his arrival at Starfleet HQ. "Based on their heading and location at the time, they were on their way into the Neutral Zone."

That was what Spock had least wanted to hear. The fact that her kidnapper had known a Romulan nickname for Saavik had not boded well for her future. "Where is the ship now?"

"It should have crossed into the Zone eight hours ago; sensors lost track of it due to ion storms in the area. Communications have been sent to Romulus."

Spock wasn't surprised. "And?" he prompted.

The Admiral sighed. "We're still waiting." That wasn't shocking, either. "Do you have any idea, Commander, why anyone would want to snatch a Vulcan cadet off to Romulan space?"

He considered for a moment how much information was necessary. Everything listed in Saavik's Academy file would merely attest to her upbringing on Vulcan; due to privacy regulations, only information from her secondary schooling years was truly required. Her medical records were more interesting, but it seemed that the Admiral had not thought of looking there for answers – or had chosen to respect boundaries.

"You are incorrect, Admiral," Spock quietly informed him. "They have not taken a Vulcan cadet. They have taken a half-Vulcan cadet." Confusion was plain on the older man's face, but Spock knew the instant that he realized what the other half was.

"Oh…I see."

* * *

Spock had given the Admiral an abridged version of Saavik's childhood, unsure how relevant the finer details would be. It seemed likely that either her Romulan parent or someone else associated with her birth world had discovered that she remained alive when no other Vulcan (or half-Vulcan) from that planet did. It was also likely that this oversight would soon be rectified if Spock didn't find her quickly.

"So we'll go find her," Kirk told him as they sat together in a hallway, waiting for word. Spock had been surprised – and grateful – to find out that his friend had cut his vacation short in order to join him in San Francisco.

Spock raised an eyebrow. "The odds that anyone will allow you to take the Enterprise through the Neutral Zone are – "

"Not worth calculating," Jim cut him off, his eyes defiant. "Forget the odds and forget the brass. You think she's still alive right now, don't you?" Spock nodded. He wasn't sure how he knew, but he was certain that Saavik still lived. He would have felt it otherwise. "Well, then. A chance of success is all I need. We'll figure out a way to get her back."

Spock shook his head. "I will not allow you to do this. I will acquire a small transport vessel and make the journey myself."

"Are you kidding me?" Kirk shot back. "Gallivanting around in 'a small transport vessel' is how you got into this mess in the first place! If you run into trouble, you won't stand a chance!"

"If that scenario does come to pass, then it will only be her and my lives that are forfeited," Spock replied. "It is too great of a risk to involve anyone else."

"Spock…"

"I promised her, Jim…I still do not know everything she went through as a child – her mind does not want to remember it – but it was very bad. On the day that she first shared what she recalled with me, I promised her that she would never have to return there again. I should not have done it; it was illogical to speak in absolutes that I had no way of guaranteeing, but I cannot take it back. My word has been broken, but I still have the opportunity to find her."

Kirk slowly nodded. "All right. Just…be careful, would you? I want to see both of you back in one piece."

* * *

Saavik had been left alone in her tiny prison for more than a day, by her count. Of course, with no windows or chronometer, she had no way to be certain. But it felt like it had been that long; her arms and legs ached from being trapped in such a small box for so much time. She hadn't slept nor eaten, although she knew from experience that she could go far longer than a day without either. But she remembered now, being in this room as a little girl. Spending endless days locked away without the basic necessities of life. At least she'd had contact with other living beings then, even if they were incommunicative little animal-children that only ever looked out for their own selves. The adults had been kept elsewhere, and had limited contact with their offspring. Leaving the children uneducated and barely cared for had been deemed the best way to 'get under the skin' of the Vulcan prisoners.

The door suddenly swung open and Saavik's stiff muscles protested as she pulled herself into a sitting position. To her surprise, the Centurion brandished a key and unlocked her cell.

"Come, little bird," he told her. She just stared at him without responding. "Don't you want to see what I have for you?" Still nothing. With a false smile, he reached into the cage, roughly grabbed her by the arm, and hauled her out as if she weighed nothing. Saavik did her best not to limp as she was led out of the room.

He took her down an empty, deteriorating hallway to a small, brightly lit room. A table was off to one side, elegantly set with plates of food. It seemed oddly out of place surrounded by a dilapidated desk and chair and other old furnishings.

"Have a seat," the Centurion told her, and it was more of an order than a request. Deciding to pick her battles, Saavik obeyed. However, her hands remained folded in her lap; she didn't touch the unidentifiable meat or starch that were on her plate. "You're not hungry?"

"No, I am not," she evenly replied.

He smiled, cutting a piece of his own food and chewing it thoughtfully. "Do you not eat meat anymore, little bird? Did they get you all dressed up pretty and acting like a Vulcan?"

Saavik raised an eyebrow. "I am not a vegetarian," she informed him, although she wasn't sure why she bothered to do so, "But I do not require food at this time." _Especially not anything from you._

The Centurion sat back in his chair, his smile becoming somewhat predatory. "This was merely an effort to be hospitable; we can move on to other ways of passing time."

"Hospitable?" she repeated. "After I was left locked away for…" she did a quick mental tally, "Twenty-seven hours?"

"Twenty-nine," he glibly corrected her. "You were unconscious for the first part. I had business to attend to, but now you will receive my undivided attention. Undress."

Saavik glared. "No."

"You know that it is futile to resist me," he snapped. "I always get what I want in the end."

She got up from the table. "Kill me now," she told him, "For I will not do what you ask."

The Centurion stood, drawing from his belt the knife that all Romulan soldiers carried. Saavik found its name, Honor Blade, to be ironic; there was nothing honorable about his intentions for that weapon. He backed her against the wall, the gleaming blade pressed against her throat. His eyes bored into hers, dark and hard. Saavik waited for the sharp, stinging pain as the knife pierced her skin, for the feel of her life flooding away with her blood, for the welcoming dark oblivion that she would claim her. However, none of it came.

The Centurion's smile returned and he stepped back slightly. "So defiant," he said, approvingly. "Just like I remember." And while her mind tried to process what had just happened – had she really just given him exactly what he wanted? – he took advantage of the fact that her guard was down. The knife's blade sang as it cut open her shirt from the collar to the bottom in one swift move. Saavik tried to raise her arms to cover herself, but he easily pinned them out of the way with one hand.

"Try to fly away, little bird," he whispered in her ear as he used his other hand to open his pants. "I dare you."

* * *

Spock knew that there was no way Starfleet would sanction a little jaunt across the Neutral Zone, even if he was the only one going on the mission. Therefore, he left Earth for the Vulcan Colony under the guise that he wanted to assist their efforts (which were assumed to be of a diplomatic nature) to have Saavik found and returned. Since he didn't confirm anyone's assumptions, it wasn't ENTIRELY a lie.

By the time Spock's transport arrived in the capital city, Sarek had used a few old contacts and favors in order to acquire a somewhat formidable vessel for his son to use. The ship was small but had phasers, two torpedoes, and decent shielding. As Spock walked the length of the vessel while it sat in the shipyard, carefully making sure that everything was in order, he was relatively certain it had once belonged to smugglers. He wondered who exactly his father had needed to contact in order to get possession of the ship, but decided it was probably better not to ask.

"You are certain about this?" Sarek asked as he trailed behind his son.

"I am," he quickly replied. "Do you have the information that I requested?"

Sarek handed him a PADD. "I am uncertain how useful this will be."

Spock quickly scrolled through the file; it contained an archive of sensor readings from the Vulcan vessel that had found Saavik fourteen years earlier, including the course that the ship that carried her had been drifting along.

"I can use this to extrapolate that Romulan shuttle's point of origin," Spock explained to his father as he tucked the PADD into his small bag that was waiting by the hatch.

"It will only be an approximation," Sarek pointed out.

Spock nodded. "But it is far better than having no leads at all."

"How do you know that she was taken back to the world she came from?"

"I do not," he admitted. "Nevertheless, I will start there and travel anywhere that I must in order to locate her."

Sarek finally nodded; he wasn't going to change his son's mind. Spock finished his inspection and placed his bag inside the ship, along with some medical supplies and hand-held weapons. He then turned to say goodbye to his father.

Sarek raised his hand, fingers splayed. "Live long and prosper, my son." His words meant so much more than they normally did.

"Thank you, Father," Spock replied as he returned the gesture. He started to climb through the hatch into the ship, but Sarek stopped him.

"Spock…Bring her home." His voice was gravely; they could not lose anyone else from their already-broken little family.

He slowly nodded. "I will."

* * *

TBC...


	10. Chapter 10: 2262 pt 5

The main problem that Spock faced was getting into Romulan Space. If either side sent a ship into the Neutral Zone, it was considered an act of war. Both sides of the zone were monitored by manned stations or unmanned sensor drones. The instant something entered, Starfleet would know.

Or at least that was what most people in the Federation believed. In truth, crafty merchants, smugglers, and pirates that were not allied with either side had been traveling undetected back and forth between the two systems since the day that the Zone had been created. Spock planned to take advantage of those lucrative businessmen in order to have a cover story if he was discovered.

There were a couple different ways to get across the Zone, but the easiest was to travel down a corridor that capitalized on old, failed equipment and ion storms to mask any vessel that made the journey. Spock plotted his course along that route.

The ship's computer sounded an alarm as he approached the edge. "Warning. Distance of one million kilometers to Neutral Zone. Alter course to avoid." Spock quickly canceled the alert.

As the ship slid silently across the border, he waited to see what would happen. Had he successfully managed to avoid the sensor platforms? Spock waited for a communication to come, ordering him back out of the zone, but there was nothing. He had successfully overcome the first obstacle in his journey; if only they would all pass this easily.

Left with little to do besides monitor the sensor readouts, Spock couldn't help but think about the person he was trying to save. He was still haunted by the memory of the conversation that he'd told Kirk about. It had happened soon before he finished his schooling on Vulcan. Saavik had been living with them for a few months, though was still settling in. She'd had a nightmare one night, and he had awakened to find her curled in the corner of his bedroom.

"What are you doing here?" he'd asked.

"No tell Osu and T'sai?" she'd made him promise.

"I will not say anything to my parents. What happened, Saavik?"

She looked away. "I see things."

"Where?"

Saavik pointed to her temple with one finger. "Here. When I sleep."

Now he understood. "You had a nightmare."

However, the ten-year-old shook her head. "Not nightmare. Real."

"If you were sleeping – "

"Saw before!" she insisted. "Dark and loud."

Spock frowned. "Before when, Saavik?"

"Before Vulcan. Before Shi'Kahr."

"Before you were brought here?"

She nodded. "Not much now…faded to dark. But voices still yell, and hands still hurt. I run, but they always there. Never stop."

He wasn't a healer or a psychologist, and had never dealt with anything like this before. His nightmares were products of his imagination, and could be dismissed as such. But hers…she had been through things he didn't want to imagine. "You are far away from there, Saavik," he assured her, hoping that he could calm her enough to get her back to sleep. He had been old enough to know that his next words were illogical, but his affection for the girl had won out over logic. "You will never return. This is your home now, and you are safe here."

She had, indeed, been able to return to sleep – but only if he stayed at her bedside. However, he would never forget that night. She always seemed so fearless, but he'd been allowed behind her defenses. He knew her well enough to be certain that she'd felt that fear again when the bounty hunters boarded their ship. Her face had only shown a quiet acceptance of the fact that this encounter would not end well, but he could see beyond that. Her expression had mirrored another that had been burned into his memory – his mother's face as she realized that the rocks beneath her feet were crumbling away, that the transporter wouldn't catch them in time. He'd been powerless on both of those occasions.

But there was still a chance for Saavik. As long as she was still alive, he had the opportunity to fix his mistake. He wouldn't let her down again, and maybe at the same time, he could start to make amends to the one he hadn't been able to save…

* * *

A few hours later, as the ship got closer to exiting the Zone, he could begin scanning the barely-mapped space on the Romulan side. While the computer compiled star charts, Spock pulled out the PADD that his father had given him and began to sort through the data.

It wasn't too difficult to extrapolate the course of the ship that had brought Saavik to Federation space as a child. The trick would be figuring out its original path from BEFORE it started drifting. Assuming it had been en route to Romulus, Spock created a projection of the course and overlayed it on the star chart that the computer was creating. The line ran straight through a small solar system that appeared to have at least one M-class planet. He began to program in a course.

It wasn't exactly a sure thing, but it was better than a 'needle in a haystack,' as Kirk was fond of saying. He had no proof that Saavik would be on any world in that system, but somehow just knew that it was true.

* * *

Physically and mentally exhausted, Saavik couldn't stop herself from falling asleep once the Centurion had finally left her alone. Battered and shamed, she curled up on the small cot in the corner of the room and welcomed unconsciousness.

Her mind retreated to the first safe place she'd ever known; she dreamed of Sarek and Amanda's home on the outskirts of Shi'Kahr. The sun was bright and warm, and she was sitting in the garden with Spock. He'd had something very important to tell her that day, news that she hadn't wanted to hear.

"But why cannot you attend the Science Academy?" her ten-year-old self had asked. She still hadn't quite mastered the language at that point, but had gotten much better with time and practice and an excellent tutor.

"They do not see me for who I am, Saavikam," Spock had replied. "Only for whom I am not."

She'd frowned, one eyebrow raised. "You always tell that it not matter what others think of us." He had said it to her that on many occasions, usually after having pulled her from some fight she'd gotten into because of a hurtful comment that was tossed her way. She had only recently started to take comfort in those words; all that was truly important was what she thought, or what he or Sarek or Amanda thought.

Spock sighed, aware that this was confusing for her. Truthfully, it wasn't much simpler for him, torn between his father's wishes and his own desires, but his mind was made up. "I know, but this is an exception," he told her. "I must prove to them – and myself – what I am capable of. I do not believe that this will be possible here."

Saavik considered that. "But do you must go to Earth? It is so far away."

"We can send subspace messages," he assured her. "And I will return here to visit when my schedule permits it."

That didn't go very far toward appeasing her concerns. "Who will check my homework done?" she asked.

"You will have to ensure that your assignments are completed on your own. Or you may ask my mother for assistance if you require it." That seemed reasonable enough, but she had more to resolve.

"Who will answer my questions?" was her next worry. Saavik was constantly asking him all kinds of things, from why the sky was orange to how Vulcans and Romulans had come to be two different species. Spock's unending patience for her insatiable curiosity was one of the reasons that she was beginning to do so well in school.

"You may send me a message each day with anything you want to ask," he promised. "I will respond the following day with your answers. Is that a satisfactory arrangement?"

Saavik slowly nodded, but she still wasn't finished. "Who will be my friend?"

Spock met her gaze. "I will always be your friend, Saavikam. Whenever you truly need me, I will always be available, no matter what the circumstance is or how great the distance between us."

She smiled slightly. "You were my first friend," she told him, as if that information was a secret that he hadn't already known. "I will always be your friend, too," was her solemn promise. "No matter circumstance or distance."

And she had meant it, more than she'd ever meant anything in her life. There, with him in Amanda's garden, nothing else in the galaxy mattered. They were two outcasts who had one little place where they belonged. Under the Vulcan sun, surrounded by alien flowers and plants and her truest friend, she was secure.

* * *

Saavik suddenly became aware that she was falling. Only half-awake, her uncooperative arms and legs were askew as she hit the ground. She wasn't in Shi'Kahr – the desert city was long gone. She was now in hell.

"Get up!" a voice barked, and she lifted her head to see the Centurion standing over her. Her shoes clattered down beside her face, sending dust into her eyes and nose.

"What now?" she asked as she stiffly rolled over and sat up.

The Romulan smiled and hoisted a rather impressive gun to his shoulder. "I will give you a five minute head start," he told her, indicating the doorway behind him with a tip of his head, "And then I'm going to kill you."

Saavik was frozen in shock for a long moment – too long. Precious seconds ticked away while her still-sleep-addled brain tried to process what was happening. Long-buried memories trickled to the foreground of her mind; she had sat in this complex and listened as a similar order was given so incredibly long ago, had watched as tiny starving savages fled for their lives in response, had heard gunfire and howling screams…

_That was their end_, she realized. _Hunted down like animals as a last amusement for the guards before this world was abandoned._ She had been saved from it then, but now she would have to face the fate that she should have had so many years earlier. And she'd be damned if she was going to go down without a fight.

Saavik stuffed her feet into her shoes (ignoring the laces) and ran as fast as she possibly could.

* * *

TBC...

**A/N: Thanks for the feedback!**


	11. Chapter 11: 2262 pt 6

Saavik ran down the darkened corridor, trying to find a way out of the facility. Five minutes would do her little good if she couldn't put as much distance between herself and the Centurion as possible. _Think, think!_ she berated herself. She had spent years of her life here – where was the stairwell that led to the surface? She allowed herself a handful of seconds to contemplate her surroundings, piece together her memories into a halfway decent mental map of the underground complex. _Down the hall from the main laboratory, around the corner…there!_ She spotted the correct door and hurried up the stairs two at a time.

A blast furnace awaited her. Heat that would make even the most stoic Vulcan complain had instantly begun to leech all moisture from her skin. The sun beamed down painfully bright, making Saavik squint after spending so long inside the complex. She found herself in the midst of the crumbling stone remnants from the portion of the Romulan complex that had been above ground. Rocky desert lay beyond in all directions.

More memories came to her, memories of running around this parched bit of land with other children when the buildings were still whole and the Romulan guards lurked around. The tall, imposing soldiers had been instructed not to kill the little bastards that they'd sired, but they took that order to mean that they weren't necessarily required to intervene if the children decided to kill each other. A favorite pastime for the guards was tossing out some food to the little savages and watching them fight to the death over who could get to it first.

Saavik shook her head, as if to clear it. She didn't have time to think about such things, to remember. If she wanted to put up any kind of a decent fight, she'd have to get over the closest outcropping of rocks before her time was up. She couldn't stay here, where the ground was flat and mostly empty. Here, she was easy prey.

* * *

Centurion Izvek wasn't sure why he stayed true to his word and actually gave his little bird her full five minute head start. Perhaps because the hunt would be more enjoyable if it was fair, genuine. He could have shot her while she slept, but there wouldn't have been any satisfaction in that.

"Izvek to the Nei'rrh," he used his communication device to call up to his ship, which was waiting in orbit. "The Kholhr begins. Do not contact me unless it is absolutely necessary. I will return when it is finished."

"Yes, Sir," someone on his bridge responded. Some among Izvek's small crew had thought that such a quest of revenge against someone who was practically still a child – and a female, on top of that – was not an honorable pursuit. However, after the few who voiced their opinions had met with…unfortunate fatal accidents, he'd been faced with almost no resistance. His brother had been the golden child of his family, and his untimely death could not go unpunished. Especially when it had been at the hands of such a worthless little excuse for a living creature.

The Centurion pocketed his communicator and checked his chronometer. A smile spread across his face. "Your time is up, pe'hlai," he murmured to himself as he left.

* * *

Saavik could feel her careful mental discipline beginning to slip away as she began to climb down the boulder-strewn hillside. Logic was irrelevant here; it wouldn't do a damn thing to help her survive. Fear and anger gave her energy, heightened her senses. She wouldn't give in to her emotions, not completely, but she felt that she could use them to assist her.

She needed to find shelter, some kind of defensible position. If the Centurion didn't kill her in the very near future, the climate would. The sun was brutal, and she hadn't been clothed in anything except undergarments and pants when she'd been awakened. She could already feel that her exposed skin was beginning to get sunburned. She needed to find something – anything – that could be used as a weapon. It would do little good against a disrupter rifle, but if she could force him into hand to hand combat, perhaps she would be able to delay her death by some small amount of time.

_Why bother?_ some little voice inside her asked. _Why waste effort delaying the inevitable? _It wasn't as if she were trying to hold on in order for rescue to come. No one knew where she was or what had happened to her. The only person who could possibly think it would be worth it to come after her into Romulan space was Spock, and he had no idea where to look. For all she knew, the pirates really had killed him when they took her.

_No! He's not dead. I would know, somehow, if that were true_.

But SHE would be dead, and very soon. Why continue to run? It would probably be far easier to just give up. A lack of defiance would likely anger the Centurion; being able to rob him of a little bit of his pleasure from her murder would certainly be worth it.

However, no matter what she told herself, she couldn't force her body to stay still. Giving up wasn't in her nature. She would fight until the end, because that was the only way to honor all of those who had died before her on this wretched planet.

* * *

Spock checked his sensors for likely the fiftieth time since exiting the Neutral Zone. So far, his presence in Romulan space had gone unnoticed, and he very much wanted it to stay that way. He had almost reached his destination, the second planet from the sun in the five-planet system that he had detected earlier. He'd scan the world for life signs and hopefully be able to transport Saavik straight to the ship, then reverse course back for Federation space. A simple plan.

The computer beeped as sensors detected something near the planet: a ship. A small Romulan ship, just waiting in a low orbit. Spock quickly calculated his odds in a battle with the vessel, and decided he didn't like his chances. It didn't appear that they had noticed his presence, but he couldn't be certain.

Output from the sensor array caught his eye, and he realized that the planet's moon had an unusual and strong magnetic field. Spock quickly did another sweep; the small hunk of rock would serve him well as a shield from enemy scans. He quickly directed his ship into orbit behind it. Of course, his ship's sensors were now also useless.

* * *

Saavik was nearing the bottom of the hill when she heard the distinctive crackle of a disrupter being fired. She dodged behind a large rock and watched the shot go wide, causing the front face of a boulder only a meter and a half away to explode.

A second shot followed the first, this time impacting the boulder that Saavik was concealed behind. Using the shower of dust and rocks as a cover, she scrambled away to another hiding spot. If she had the opportunity to keep moving, if she could force him to come down there to kill her, maybe she could find an advantage to exploit. Another shot came, and she moved again.

She quickly realized, however, that she was no longer alone. A small pile of bones was behind this rock. A child's bones. Apparently someone had already tried this tactic as a desperate means to save their life. And they'd failed. Saavik just stared for a long moment, her anger and hatred flooding past any mental safeguards she'd still had in place. Had death been quick, or had the guards made the child suffer? Had he/she been frightened? Perhaps it was true that none of the half-breed 'abominations' were ever supposed to exist, but they were still living beings, and they deserved more than this. The incredible unjustness of it all was overwhelming.

Before she died, Saavik vowed to herself, someone was going to be the target of her rage.

* * *

Spock reviewed his sensor readings one last time before inputting final commands. He'd managed to get scans of part of the planet before hiding his ship behind its moon, and had detected structures that were unmistakably man-made. If Saavik was here, that was where she would be. He could transport down, find her, and have the ship transport them back. If she wasn't there…

He didn't allow himself to start thinking about the numerous backup plans he had also devised. If she wasn't there, then things would unsurprisingly be more complex. He ensured that his handheld scanner was functioning properly before holstering it, then picked up one of the phase rifles that he had brought and stepped onto the small transporter pad at the rear of the ship.

"Computer, activate transport."

Even before his body had been fully reformed, he could feel the incredible heat of the planet's surface. Spock quickly looked around for any signs of enemy guards, but there were none. He pulled out his scanner to look for life signs – two registered.

* * *

Saavik carefully waited in her hiding spot, listening intently for the footsteps of the Centurion as he grew ever nearer. She'd used a fragment of a rock to slice a shallow wound across her abdomen and blood dripped down her skin. There was no doubt now that he was going to find her, but if she could fool him, just for a moment, into thinking that she'd been seriously hurt, she could take advantage of his lowered defenses.

"Where are you, my little bird?" he called out. Saavik made her breathing shallow, calmed her rapidly beating heart, and closed her eyes. A few moments later, a shadow fell across her body as the Centurion appeared before her. Disappointment flickered across his face when he realized that she appeared to no longer be conscious. He waited for a moment, observing her for signs of a deception, before lowering his weapon and bending to one knee to check for her pulse.

Saavik suddenly sprung into action, throwing herself at him and trying to wrench his gun away. Two shots were accidently fired up into the air as they struggled. Strength came to her from nowhere, fueled by a lifetime of dark emotions that had been forced into hiding. The savage that had been created by the Romulan's torture had now reappeared.

The Centurion could not help but cry out as Saavik ruthlessly smashed his hand against a rock, forcing him to release his weapon as the bones were shattered. He kicked the rifle away before she could get to it, and their battle raged on. He was still incredibly strong, and they both threw the other against the rocks as the desperate battle continued.

Suddenly, the Centurion went down as a burst of weapons fire hit him. Saavik whirled around to look up the hillside for who had dared to intrude upon her fight. Spock stared back at her.

He began to make his way down the hillside, carefully watching Saavik for her reaction. She looked like an animal that was all coiled and ready to pounce, and he wasn't entirely certain that he wouldn't be her target. She no longer appeared to be the person that he knew; she had once again become something wild, primal, and dangerous.

"This is not who you are, Saavikam," he told her as he approached. "You may feel strong, but you are stronger than this. You are more than this. Remember all that you have worked for. Do not allow him to take it away."

"You do not know what he did!" she yelled. "What they did to the others, what they did to me!"

"Unspeakable things," he agreed. "But those things will not be undone by you giving in to what you feel right now."

It was a painful statement of logic that she didn't want to hear. Saavik lunged for him, pounding fists into his chest out of anger and frustration, which quickly melted away to unimaginable grief. Spock held her as her attack finally stopped and she broke down in tears for the first time in her life. "I'm going to take you home," he told her once she started to fall quiet. She didn't respond, but didn't resist.

Spock reached for his communicator in order to signal his ship, but was suddenly struck down by an incredible blast of pain that radiated through his back and left side. Breathless and sprawled on the ground, he turned his head to see that the Centurion had begun to recover from his stun much faster than expected. Izvek had managed to retrieve his own weapon and was shakily holding it as he fought his way back to true consciousness. His next shot would be for the kill.

Before he could squeeze the trigger, however, he was hit for a second time by Spock's weapon. Saavik had retrieved it when he fell and she fired, once, twice, three times on her tormentor. She then changed the power setting to maximum and fired again. The Centurion's body disappeared in a ripple of energy as he was vaporized.

* * *

TBC...


	12. Chapter 12: 2262 pt 7

Spock struggled to his feet, using almost all of his mental energy to block the pain from his wound. He grabbed Saavik's arm and toggled his communicator so that his ship would automatically transport them back.

Inside of the small vessel, Spock slipped into the pilot's seat and brought the engines online. A course back to the Neutral Zone was already plotted and ready. All he had to do was get them away from the moon and execute it. However, they'd barely started moving before they were jolted by enemy fire. The Romulan ship had found his hiding spot.

Alarms began to wail as the ship was hit a second time. Spock powered the weapons systems, acquired a lock on Romulan vessel's engines, and fired torpedoes. He watched in surprise as the weapons hit home; apparently the Romulans had decided the tiny transport vessel wasn't enough of a concern to have their shields up.

Underestimating their enemy would be their downfall; the ship's weapons fell silent as an explosion emanated from their wound. That burst of fire quickly spread, engulfing the entire vessel. It blew apart in a brilliant burst of light that made Spock raise a hand to shield his eyes. Destroying the ship hadn't been his intention, but it would allow them to escape.

As the debris cleared, Spock took stock of his own systems. Long-range communications were gone, and the engines had been damaged, though were at least still functional. Three-quarters impulse was the best they could do for speed, and it would have to suffice. He set them on their course for Federation space and then turned to Saavik.

She was exactly where he'd left her, though was now sitting on the floor instead of standing. Her knees were tucked under her chin, and he could see her shiver. The shuttle's environmental systems kept the air considerably colder than the planet she'd just been on. She would need fresh clothes, but probably needed to have her injuries tended to first. Gritting his teeth against the pain that moving caused, Spock got up and headed to the rear section of the ship to find the medical kit that he had brought.

"Saavik, come here," he told her as he sat on one of the benches. Walking back to where she sat would take more energy than he currently had. He knew that his injury was bad, but that didn't matter at the moment. He would take care of her first, and then worry about himself.

Saavik didn't acknowledge his request in any way; her eyes remained fixed staring at nothing and she was still motionless. "Saavik," he tried again, "H'tah-fvienn!"

The Romulan word got through her overstressed mind; she flinched horribly at the command. Spock instantly regretted frightening her.

"H'tah," he repeated, softer this time. After a slight pause, she obediently got up and joined him. "Khnai'ra_,_ Saavikam," he quietly thanked her. He knew that he was supposed to stop using that nickname for her, but old habits were difficult to discard and it seemed wrong not to be as gentle with her as possible right now.

Saavik's hands were stained green with blood; her fingers and palms had been badly cut by rocks as she'd scrambled around trying to run from the Centurion. It was possible there was nerve damage a trained doctor would need to look at, but at least Spock could use the dermal regenerator to repair the skin.

He did the same for a jagged gash on her left arm, a cut across her stomach, and her split lower lip before tending to the serious sunburn that covered her back and shoulders. After scanning her to the best of his ability, he didn't think that there were any critical internal injuries. She would be all right until they got back to the Federation.

"Just rest now," Spock told her as he coaxed her to lie down on the bench and placed a blanket over her. "Ehhaai." She didn't resist, but her eyes remained open. Sleep would not come easy.

Now that he knew she was all right, Spock could retreat to the forward cabin to deal with his own wound. The left side and back of his jacket was dark with blood, though it seemed that the weapon had both damaged and cauterized at the same time. He carefully pulled off the jacket and the shirt that was underneath, working very hard to keep from crying out in pain. The wound was about the size of his fist, angry and dark with dried blood. He could fix the external damage, but anything beyond that was more than he could deal with.

He gave himself an injection of local anesthetic before picking up the regenerator once more. However, even with the drugs, he found it nearly impossible to reach the wound without the pain spiking above tolerable levels. A hand suddenly closed over his, and he looked to see that Saavik had gotten up and joined him.

"Let me," she whispered. She gently pulled the regenerator from his grasp, although her eyes didn't meet his. She still had the blanket wrapped around her as if it was her shield from the universe, but Spock was encouraged to see that she was starting to return to reality. She carefully tended to him, removing all external traces of the wound. Once that task was complete, she reached for the scanner and checked to see how bad his internal injuries were.

"Your kidney is damaged," Saavik softly reported. "And there is still bleeding." She reached for the medical kit and pulled out a cartridge for the hypospray. "This will help stop it," she told him.

Spock nodded. "Thank you… Saavik, are you aware of where you are?"

Her eyes were trained on the floor. "A ship."

"Are you aware of whom I am?"

"Spock."

"Yes. I will do everything I can to keep you safe. Do you understand?" She didn't answer. "None of this was of your doing, Saavik. You do not have to be afraid anymore." But his only answer was silence. "You should rest. Will you go lie down again?" Wordlessly, she got up and returned to the aft section of the ship.

Spock sighed slightly as he settled back in his chair. _Why should she believe my words?_ he asked himself. He had already promised her that what had just happened would never be possible. And now she had lived through hell once more.

The computer beeped, and he looked down at the console. The ship had now re-entered the Neutral Zone. As long as the engines held together, they were just under 22 hours away from Federation space. The journey would be shorter if he could get the impulse engines back to full strength or, better still, get the warp drive back online, but at the moment he didn't have the energy for making repairs. He'd give the drugs he'd taken a little bit longer to work and then go see what could be done.

* * *

Despite her tranquil appearance as she slept, Saavik's dreams were anything but peaceful. Her mind returned her to the barren hell of a planet where she'd been born. Returned her to the brutal game of cat and mouse, to the painful existence of self-loathing that she'd worked so hard to bury. The Centurion was always right behind her, always taunting her with a death that she'd once craved but now despised. A blast of disrupter fire arched across the scorching sands, chasing faster than Saavik could run. It overwhelmed her body in light and heat and pain –

She awakened suddenly, a scream dying on her lips. Spock was beside her, a hand gently resting on her shoulder. "Are you all right, Saavikam?" he asked.

She started to nod, then thought better of it and shook her head no. There was no point in attempting to conceal the truth, not from him. "I-I dreamt…" She had no idea how to finish that sentence, how to convey all of the things that she now remembered.

Spock nodded slowly, understanding. "Show me what you cannot tell," he quietly said.

She understood what he was requesting – access to the darkest corners of her mind. They had spoken telepathically before several times, but never melded.

"Do you trust me?" he asked when he noticed her hesitation.

After everything he had just done for her? How could she not? Saavik slowly nodded, and Spock raised a hand to the side of her face, placing each of his fingers over the correct spot. "My mind to your mind," he quietly recited. She closed her eyes. "My thoughts to your thoughts…"

And then they were one.

The tranquil shores of her organized thoughts met the stormy raging seas of her long-suppressed childhood memories and recent experiences. Before Spock had a chance to get his bearings, he was pulled into the rough waters, her thoughts assaulting his mind.

He could see Saavik as just a toddler, innocent and small. He could feel her sense that she was being held secure by a comforting presence, someone that she had been too young to identify as anything other than 'safety'.

_Was this your Vulcan parent?_ He asked her telepathically.

_I…I don't know._

No matter how hard she tried to focus on the memory, the answer wouldn't come. There was no name or face associated with the person, whom she assumed was her mother. But the feeling that she recalled was overwhelming, causing tears to prick at her eyes. The person had loved her. Truly loved a little half-breed who had such shameful origins. She had never before been able to remember this person that had taken care of her. Loved her. Died for her sake.

After that, there was only pain and fear for a very long time. Saavik had been small, one of the youngest of the little child-animals. Outside on the surface of the planet, an older boy nearly killed her in a struggle to earn dinner. She'd been left dirty and bleeding and there was no one to care. She could have died there in the scorching sand, ended the torment once and for all. No one would have ever missed her. But she didn't. She got up, returned to her cage, and rested. The next time that the guards teased the little savages with food to make them fight to the death, she won.

Spock felt her shame over that recollection, over the idea that she had taken another life to save her own. _You did not know any other way_, he tried to tell her. It was of little comfort.

_They made us what we were. They made us less than people and they were amused by it. They bet on us in fights and discarded the bodies of the losers like trash. They were the savages, not us._ Spock did not disagree.

He suddenly realized that she was trying to steer him through the torrents, attempting to avoid a particularly nasty squall. _Do you trust me, Saavikam?_ He asked her again. _Do you trust me with it all?_

_You will hate me,_ she warned.

_That would never be possible._ After a final moment of hesitation, she allowed him to proceed.

The Centurion's smile was the first thing he saw, false and slimy and evil. He beckoned little Saavik to his office, bribed her with the food that her starving body needed. The first time his hand landed upon her shoulder, she knew that she'd made a deal with the devil, but it was far too late to escape. There was nowhere to run to, and her efforts only brought him amusement. The 'Little Bird' couldn't fly away, not here. She may have been strong enough now to keep up with the other children, but she was no match for the Romulan officer, powerless against him.

_I never accepted anything from him again,_ she explained,_ but it didn't matter. I was stunned, drugged… whatever he needed to get what he wanted._

The scene shifted, changed to the very recent past. Saavik was older now, but height and strength didn't help her. She was still powerless, still couldn't fly away. Spock struggled to keep his own thoughts carefully in order.

_I can take it all away_, he offered. _You will never again have to remember any of this._ He had a much higher psi-rating than she did; Saavik knew that it was possible for him to cut off her conscious access to the thoughts. _Simply tell me what you want._

She was tempted. Her mind held years of memories that no one would ever want to have. All of the horrible things that had been done and said, all of the pain and anger would be gone. But so would things that she wanted to remember. The feeling of love from being taken care of by the person she assumed to be her mother. The feeling of wonder she'd had the first time she'd seen the stars from the surface of her world and dreamed of someday being among them. The feeling of pride that she currently had from realizing that maybe her past finally was now left in the past.

_No_, she told him. _No, don't._

_It is an incredible burden, one you should never have been given._

_But I was. I can't change the past, I never could…That place has always been a part of me, and it always will be. It is who I am – not all of me, but still an important part._

_Are you certain?_ Spock asked. He suddenly realized that all around them the seas were beginning to calm. It would always be painful, but she could move on. She was stronger than anyone else he had ever known.

_I am_, she confirmed. _Thank you, Spock_.

A shrill beeping cut into their conversation, and both paused in confusion.

_What is that?_ Saavik finally asked.

Spock was unsure. If it wasn't something of her doing, or something of his, then…

* * *

In the real world, he abruptly pulled his hand from her face, and they both took a moment to get their bearings. The beeping noise was louder now, coming from the computer system. Spock moved to his console to shut it off.

"It is quiet," Saavik realized. Too quiet. Disturbingly quiet.

Spock nodded as one of the messages on a display confirmed her observation. "The engines have overloaded."

* * *

TBC...


	13. Chapter 13: 2262 pt 8

Saavik joined Spock in the forward section of the ship. "How far have we traveled?" she asked.

He met her gaze. "Not far enough." They were currently stranded in the Neutral Zone.

As she slid into the co-pilot's seat, she pulled up diagnostics of the ship's systems. A few components had overheated, indicating an issue with the coolant system, but the main problem was that driver coil had failed. "I assume that there is not a spare on board?" she asked.

"No, there is not."

Saavik checked the readings again. "I may be able to repair it, but it will take time."

* * *

An hour later, they were both seated on the floor in the aft compartment, sorting through the damaged parts and attempting to see what could be salvaged. Saavik's track at the Academy was navigation, but Spock had quickly realized that her engineering skills would make Scotty proud. She had no experience with the technology they had on hand, but was learning quickly. She had a talent for diagnostics and had developed creative strategies for solving problems without having the correct tools.

"How often have you been questioned about switching tracks at the Academy?" Spock asked her at one point.

"Several times," Saavik replied, knowing where his question was coming from. "I have considered changing specialties, but decided against it…Do you believe it is illogical to expend my efforts in a field that is enjoyable but requires work instead of a field that comes naturally?"

Spock shook his head. "You are very skilled at both navigation and engineering. Perhaps, over the course of your career, you will have opportunities to be involved in both."

Saavik shrugged. "Perhaps." She looked down at the pieces in her hands. "I could always fix things," she realized, as new memories continued to trickle into her consciousness. "That was why the Centurion noticed me; I was able to repair a generator. He told me I wasn't quite as stupid as the others. But being important in that complex was dangerous."

"Not anymore," he quietly assured her.

Saavik considered that for a moment before nodding. "No, not anymore…It is strange to openly discuss the things that happened when I was a child. I was always afraid of knowing…Fear is an interesting emotion."

"Yes, it is."

She shrugged slightly, dismissing the thought until a later time, and turned back to her work. "Can you please give me that spanner wrench?"

Spock turned to reach for the tool, but his vision suddenly went gray around the edges. He paused, trying to steady himself and will his body to cooperate. They had far too much to get done for his injuries to interfere.

Saavik looked up when she realized that he had neither responded nor handed her the tool that she had asked for. "Spock?" she asked. "What is wrong?"

He opened his eyes and looked over at her. "Do not be concerned. What tool did you require?"

The wrench forgotten, Saavik got up and retrieved the medical kit. Her expression became even more concerned as she waved the scanner before him. "You are still bleeding internally…and you have a fever. Why did you not tell me that you were feeling worse?"

"I did not wish to worry you."

Saavik quickly prepared two more hyposprays. "Antibiotics," she informed him as she gave him the first. "And another clotting agent…I cannot give you a third dose for several hours without risking a cerebral aneurism."

Spock nodded. "I understand."

"You should meditate," she recommended. "I can complete the repairs on my own."

"No, I will not leave you alone."

"The medications are not working," Saavik pointed out. "I will be equally alone if you succumb to internal bleeding. At least if you enter a healing trance, you will have a chance of waking up."

"If you encounter trouble by yourself – "

"Regardless of whether I am alone or not, this vessel will not survive another attack and currently cannot reach Federation space. I am grateful that you wish to protect me, but it is illogical."

Spock handed her the wrench that she had asked for earlier. "I can continue to assist you for a while longer," he asserted.

Saavik sighed. He had risked his life – and it was entirely possible that he might still lose it – in order to save her, so why wouldn't he now try to help himself? This was not the time for his human side to take control; her logic was sound.

She got up to put the medical kit back, and as she returned, she realized that Spock was completely focused on the electrical component in his hands; he wouldn't realize what she was doing until it was too late. Her thumb and index finger came together over a pressure point at the base of his neck, squeezing tightly. His body instantly went limp.

"I am sorry," she told her friend as she wrapped his arm over her shoulders and pulled him to his feet. She had executed the nerve pinch so that control over his limbs would be gone, but his mind would remain active in order for him to enter a healing trance. "If you will not take care of yourself, then I am required to do it for you."

She managed to get him over to the bench where she had slept earlier and laid him down on it. "Go to sleep, Spock. Do what you must to take care of yourself. I will be fine." Saavik draped a blanket over him and knelt at his side. "Sleep, t'hy'la," she whispered. Spock's breathing had slowed and become shallow, and his pulse was barely noticeable. It wasn't instantly obvious that he was still alive.

After watching him for a long moment, Saavik turned her attention back to her work. It wasn't going to finish itself. She nearly had the driver coil reassembled and was about to turn her attention to the coolant system when the computer began beeping. Once she'd headed back to the front of the ship and slipped into the pilot's seat, the data from the sensors made her pulse quicken.

The ship hadn't completely stopped moving when the engine died; they'd been slowly drifting along for the past couple of hours. Their current heading had the ship aimed directly at the wall of the ion-storm corridor that their course had been set along. If she couldn't get the engines functioning again within the next hour, the ship would be destroyed.

* * *

Saavik got the drive coil reinstalled and did what she could with the coolant system, but really didn't have the required parts for making significant improvements. In any case, time was running out.

She slid back into the pilot's seat, transferred power to the propulsion systems once more, and coaxed half-impulse speed out of the damaged engines. The auto-navigation system had been fried during the overload, so she'd have to do everything manually for the rest of the journey.

"Pressure looks good," she murmured to herself as she checked the readings. "Temperatures are holding within nominal ranges…"

They were almost up to full available speed when the entire ship shuddered and the main lights went out. A console beside the co-pilot's station exploded, and Saavik flinched away from the sparks. Sensor data for most systems disappeared as circuits all over the small vessel overloaded and relays fused. Acrid smoke began to seep into the cabin as dim emergency lights came on.

"Damnit," she muttered, before almost instantly turning to glance back at where Spock still slept. She was fully aware of the fact that he disliked some of the Human terms she'd picked up during her time at the Academy. Curses were definitely on that list, but it seemed appropriate given their situation. Words that he would find far more objectionable seemed even more appropriate.

Getting her console functional again required making several temporary connections that bypassed blown circuits. It was a quick fix that threatened to cause an electrical fire, but she didn't have a choice. If she didn't have a way of figuring out how bad things were, she would have no idea what repairs were necessary. However, the news from the internal sensors wasn't good.

The reactor was irrevocably damaged, leaving the ship with no impulse engines and nothing but auxiliary power. There was a slight possibility that she could get the warp drive back online if she could repair the plasma injector, but with the power conduits so badly damaged, engaging the drive would likely be a quick way to turn the ship into an antimatter bomb.

_We are still drifting_, Saavik realized. _And I have no idea where._ She disconnected the internal monitoring equipment in order to power some external components. The long range sensors had been fried, but that didn't matter. Short range scans told her all she needed to know – they were still on the edge of the ion storms and still heading towards near-certain destruction. It was just going to take a little longer now. Saavik was suddenly reminded of another phrase that she had learned on Earth: 'If we didn't have bad luck, we'd have no luck at all.' Vulcans didn't believe in luck, but then again, she wasn't fully Vulcan.

The exposed wires that she had used to rig up the systems were starting to smoke, so she disconnected everything. The damaged circuits were probably drawing too much energy from the auxiliary power systems, which was dangerous. If there wasn't enough power to keep life support running, they wouldn't have time to worry about the ion storms.

It suddenly dawned on her that it was far too smoky in the cabin for environmental systems to be working properly. A quick check of one of the computer screens in the aft section revealed that there was no power reaching the ventilation system. Toxins – such as smoke, leaking coolant, and carbon dioxide – weren't being taken out of the air, and those elements were already at the upper limits of the recommended range.

Bypassing more circuits was a dangerous prospect, but she had little choice. However, her unfamiliarity with the vehicle's systems finally caught up with her. As she connected two wires in the environmental system together, the whole panel erupted into a shower of sparks. The emergency lights flickered and died.

Saavik sat down on the floor, defeated. She could feel herself beginning to get a headache from the carbon dioxide and coolant. Vulcans could survive much more easily than Humans in thin air, but that didn't mean they could fare any better in a mildly toxic environment. She supposed it was fortunate that she hadn't started a fire, which would consume whatever oxygen remained.

"I broke my word to you," she quietly told Spock. "I did not get us out of this. Can you actually still hear me? If so, I am sorry, Spock. I am sorry that I brought you into this." She was pretty sure that the artificial gravity was beginning to fail; it seemed like she felt lighter – or perhaps she was just getting light-headed.

"This was supposed to be my death, and mine alone. All those years ago, I never thought I would leave this Zone…but I did. And you showed me what I could do with my life. I am uncertain if I ever properly thanked you for that."

The ship shuddered slightly; they were edging ever-closer to the ion storms. Saavik could feel unconsciousness pulling at her body. Her thoughts drifted to Sarek, whom she assumed was waiting back on the Colony for her and his son. The thought that they were going to leave him alone was overwhelmingly painful. He had been through too much already in recent years. Their katras would be lost, and there wasn't any way for her to tell him goodbye. There wasn't even a way to let him know what had happened to them. Would he wonder for years if they were both being held captive in a Romulan prison somewhere?

_I am sorry, A'nirih_, she thought to the man who had been her only father-figure for most of her life. The last thing she would have ever wanted to do was hurt him this way. She hoped that he knew how grateful she was for everything he had done for her.

Stringing together coherent thoughts was becoming increasingly difficult, and her vision was starting to tunnel. Fighting against the darkness took more energy than she had. Saavik threaded her fingers through Spock's, leaned against the bench he was lying on, and allowed her eyes to slip closed. The last thing that crossed her mind before she lost consciousness was the thought that she had started to hallucinate. She could swear that she heard a voice coming from somewhere.

"This is the Enterprise…"

* * *

TBC...

**A/N: As always, thanks for the feedback! I'm glad you're enjoying the story.**


	14. Chapter 14: 2262 pt 9

"I say again, this is the Enterprise." Kirk called over the comm. system from his spot in his command chair. "Damnit, Spock, can you read me?" There was no answer from the small ship being displayed on the bridge's viewscreen.

"His engines are down, Captain," Chekov told him. "Life support has failed, along with many other systems. I am picking up two life signs, but they are growing weak."

"Can we get a tractor beam on them?"

The Ensign shook his head. "They are too close to the ion storm."

Jim toggled the intercom. "Kirk to Transporter Room. Lock onto the signals on that ship and beam them aboard immediately."

"Aye, Sir," the crewman on duty replied.

* * *

The ion storm was interfering with the signals, so getting a secure lock took longer than the tech would have liked. Finally, he was able to energize the transport and watched carefully as two forms materialized on the pad. They were both lying unconscious on the floor, and he could very obviously see that the Commander was injured.

Seconds later, the door opened and McCoy charged in like a hurricane with a few medical technicians trailing behind. All of them were carrying equipment or pulling gurneys. The ship's Chief Medical Officer stopped short when he realized that his motionless patients were holding hands.

_What the hell…_

"She's alive," one of the techs reported as he quickly scanned Saavik with a tricorder. "But she's got high levels of CO2 and hydrocarbons in her blood stream."

"Same here," another added as he checked Spock over. "He's barely breathing and his pulse is very weak."

"Get some oxygen masks on both of them," McCoy ordered, "And let's get going. Can't do a damn thing for them here."

* * *

Back on the bridge, moments seemed like an eternity while they waited for word. "We have them, Captain," the transporter tech finally reported in. "They're both alive and on their way to sickbay."

Kirk nodded. "Good. Mr. Sulu, get us the hell out of here. Max warp until we're back in Federation Space."

His fingers danced over his console, a small grin on his face. "With pleasure, Sir."

* * *

An hour later, McCoy was standing beside a biobed, taking readings, when the patient's deep brown eyes opened. "Welcome back," he said.

Saavik slowly looked around. "We are on the Enterprise?" she asked.

"Mmm, got it right on the first try."

"How is Spock?"

"Just finished surgery. He's not out of the woods yet."

Saavik frowned slightly. "Out of what woods?"

McCoy gave a long-suffering sigh. "Nevermind," he replied. "We're monitoring him and should know more soon." Saavik started to sit up, but he grabbed her. "Where do you think you're going?"

"I wish to see him."

"I don't think so, young lady. You are still my patient, and I want you to get some more rest."

"Please, Doctor?" she asked. "We… I did not believe that either of us would be able to leave that ship alive. I simply would like to see him."

Something about her tone got to him. Whatever they had been through together, it had left a lasting impression. "All right," he finally gave in. "If I move you over to the bed next to his, you promise me that you're not going to get up off of it for the next couple of hours."

Saavik nodded. "I promise."

McCoy sighed again. "I'm gonna regret this, aren't I?" he muttered to himself.

* * *

By late that night, Spock was still comatose. Saavik kept watch over him from her bed, carefully waiting for any sign that he was awakening. Kirk smiled slightly to himself as he came into sickbay and saw her. "Has Bones read you the riot act yet?" he asked. "I'm sure you're supposed to be sleeping right now, aren't you?"

She shrugged. "So he believes, but I do not require sleep at this time…All I require is for Spock to wake up."

Kirk looked down at his friend. "You hear that?" he asked Spock's motionless form. "You don't want to keep the girl waiting, do you?" However, there was no response. "Stubborn, as always."

"If he was not so stubborn, I would not be alive," she pointed out. After a moment of thought, Kirk nodded.

"You're right. And I wouldn't change him for anything."

"Spock did not know that you were coming after him, did he?" Saavik spoke up after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

He shook his head. "Nope. Told me he didn't want to risk anyone else's lives."

"Then why did you come? By bringing the Enterprise into the Neutral Zone, you violated an inter-planetary treaty. If the Romulans had detected this ship, they would have considered its presence to be an act of war."

Kirk shrugged. "Yeah, can't argue with any of that. However, we got out clean. What the brass and the Romulans don't know won't hurt them."

"But you could not be certain of your decision's outcome before you made it. Why would you put so many at risk just for two lives?"

"Spock has taught you well, hasn't he? 'The needs of the many over the needs of the few'?" Saavik nodded. "Well sometimes, those few are of enough importance to enough people that they're worth risking the many. That's something you won't find in any Academy textbook, but it's damn important, just the same."

She slowly nodded. "Yes, Sir."

Kirk headed for the door. "Have a good night, Cadet."

"You, too, Captain."

* * *

A sharp, stinging pain across his face was the first thing that Spock was truly aware of as he awoke. A hard force suddenly met his cheek and the pain intensified, pulling him back to consciousness. His eyes fluttered open, revealing the ceiling of the Enterprise's sickbay.

He sensed a swift motion out of the corner of his eye and, with lightning quick reflexes, managed to grasp the hand that was about to strike him before it could do so.

"That will be unnecessary, Doctor," he hoarsely said.

McCoy shook his smarting hand as he reached over to grab his tricorder. He'd thought Saavik was nuts when she first told him that Spock would need painful stimuli in order to awaken from his healing trance. It sounded like he was being set up for a practical joke, but he doubted that such a thing would ever occur to the cadet. And it seemed to have worked.

After waiving the scanner's small probe up and down over his patient's body, McCoy finally nodded, satisfied that Spock was all right. "It's about damn time!" he berated the Vulcan. "Been a whole day already; I was starting to wonder if you'd given yourself brain damage!"

As the haze of his meditative coma began to clear, Spock started to remember the events that had occurred before his loss of consciousness. He attempted to sit up, quickly looking around. "Where is Saavik?" he asked McCoy, even as the world began to spin from his sudden movements.

"Easy," the doctor told him, pushing him back to lie on the bed. "You're not THAT much better."

Spock took a few breaths, trying to regain his equilibrium. "Is she all right?" he asked.

"I am well," Saavik promised as she slid off of her bed and came to stand beside his.

"See now? She's perfectly fine," McCoy added. "Got her all patched up while you were sleeping away – although neither one of you is getting out of here for at least another day. You almost had your lungs dry-cleaned, so I don't want to hear a single word about…"

He trailed off as he realized that neither one of them was paying an iota of attention to him. Their eyes had locked the moment that Saavik entered Spock's field of view, and volumes were passing unspoken between them.

"Oh, please feel free to ignore me," McCoy griped. "It's not like what I have to say is IMPORTANT or anything…" Still continuing to rant to himself – the only one still listening – the doctor headed for his office.

The Vulcan pair barely noticed his departure. "You truly are not seriously injured?" Spock quietly asked as he slowly sat back up again.

"I truly am not," she replied. "You were the one causing concern."

"My apologies."

She smiled slightly. "It is all right, now."

"Aboard the ship, I heard your final words before losing consciousness," he informed her.

Saavik raised an eyebrow. "You did?"

He nodded. "The term t'hy'la can have many meanings."

She recognized the glint in his eye. "Can it?" she replied, her tone light. "You were always far more knowledgeable about semantics."

"It can," he confirmed. "It may be used to describe a sibling, or a dear friend – "

"Or a soulmate," she purposely interrupted. "You are correct; there are many meanings. But I am confident that you can decipher my intentions."

"Indeed. I learned several things while our minds were joined. Why did you not tell me that you heard my father's…suggestion on the Colony?"

Saavik looked away. "You seemed to be adamantly opposed to the idea."

"But you are not?" he asked.

She slowly shook her head. "We have shared our experiences, our thoughts, our…feelings. It is true that we are not of the same age, but who each of us is has been tangled with the other for years. To continue that arrangement for the rest of our lives… No, I am not opposed to it."

"There are things I cannot promise you," he warned.

"I have not asked for any promises," she pointed out.

"We each have responsibilities that we cannot ignore."

"That is true," she agreed. "But we will find a balance."

After a moment of thought, he nodded. "Yes, t'hy'la," he told her, offering a hand with two fingers outstretched, "We will." Saavik accepted the gesture with a slight smile.

* * *

McCoy looked up from the PADD in his hands as Christine Chapel entered his office, shaking her head in a mixture of confusion, annoyance, and amusement. "What is it?" he asked her.

"Vulcans," she told him. "I swear!"

McCoy leaned to the side, trying to look around her and see what kind of trouble his patients were up to. _If the two of them snuck out of here while my back was turned…_ However, he could just barely see that they were both still exactly where he'd left them. "What did the green-blooded, overgrown elves do now?" he asked Nurse Chapel as he continued to look around her in order to keep an eye on the pair.

She shook her head again, frowning. "They've got the social skills of cantaloupes, all of them. I don't know if I just overheard a marriage proposal or a business negotiation!"

McCoy's chair tipped over, leaving him sprawled on the floor. He stared up at her in utter shock. "Overheard a WHAT?"

* * *

TBC...

**A/N: So, for those who wondered where the Enterprise was...do you think Kirk would really let someone go have an adventure without him? :-) And, as always, thanks for the feedback! One more chapter to go.  
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	15. Epilogue

SIX MONTHS LATER

Standing on the surface of the Vulcan colony, on a high cliff overlooking the capital city, McCoy could see why this planet had been chosen as their new home. The climate was just as unbearable as it had been on their original world.

He sighed, shifting his feet slightly and trying not to fidget as he felt sweat begin to run down his back under the oppressive heat of the sun. The dress uniforms weren't helping matters.

Kirk gave his friend a small sideways grin. "Something the matter, Bones?" he quietly asked.

"Keep your mouth shut or I'll update all your immunizations at once when we get back to the ship," he shot back. Jim's smile grew, but he wisely stopped talking, deciding not to call the doctor's bluff. "God, I wish they would get on with this already," McCoy complained to the rest of their little group, which consisted of the Enterprise's senior officers. "They all have the nerve to be standing there like the sun isn't bothering them one bit." With a tip of his head, he indicated that the 'they' he was referring to was a group of Vulcans gathered just a few feet away.

"It probably isn't," Sulu blurted out before realizing that he didn't need to replace Kirk as the victim of the doctor's frustrations.

McCoy sniffed. "Pointy-eared bastards…" he grumbled to himself.

"I am still confused by the meaning of this ceremony," Chekov sheepishly spoke up. "They will not be married today, no?"

Kirk shook his head. "Not yet. The best explanation I was able to piece together from Spock is that this is more like a proposal with an audience…although more significant in Vulcan culture."

"It's just coming a bit late," McCoy piped up, the conversation having taken his mind off the heat for a few minutes. Off of Chekov's confused look, he added, "Normally the happy couple in these ceremonies is a pair of seven-year-old children."

Pavel's eyes widened, but before he could say anything in response, Spock and Sarek entered the ceremonial clearing. All of the guests in attendance – both Starfleet and Vulcan – quickly quieted as they came to attention.

Spock stepped up onto the platform in the center area, freed a somewhat-large mallet from its holder, and struck a large gong. The instrument's deep boom echoed through the clearing and rumbled out beyond. A moment later, the tinkling of small bells could be heard approaching, and everyone looked to watch. The gong boomed once more, answered by the bells which grew louder as they grew closer. Two large guards entered, each carrying one of the bell instruments. Behind them…behind them was a vision that made the men from the Enterprise stare in awe.

"Good God," Scotty muttered under his breath; he seemed to be the only one capable of speech. Kirk might have been tempted to whistle – if he'd been able to pick his jaw up off of the floor.

Saavik glided into the clearing, dressed in a long blue-silver dress that skimmed the ground like flowing waters and made her seem like some Goddess of the Seas. Her brown hair hung freely down her back, elegantly adorned with silver fasteners. Such graceful beauty…well, it definitely wasn't something that they had expected from Vulcans.

Her eyes had been focused on the floor as she entered, but she glanced up to take in the audience as she was led to where Spock waited. He murmured something in her ear, and a tiny smile played at the corner of her mouth. Kirk decided he would have given a week's leave to find out what his friend had said.

More guards appeared; two of them held weapons that were a cross between an axe and a bludgeon, and the others carried a sedan chair into the clearing. Sitting tall and proud in that chair was one of the High Council members that Spock had saved four years earlier – the great T'Pau. Her chair was placed down at the front of the ceremonial space and Spock dropped to one knee beside her. The wise old Vulcan raised her hand to place it on his temple, and he seemingly fell into a trance an instant later. T'Pau motioned with her free hand for Saavik to come to her as well and repeated her actions.

Facing each other, Spock and Saavik reached to touch each other's temples. "My mind to your mind," Spock softly began.

"My thoughts to your thoughts," Saavik answered.

"Parted from me and never parted…"

"Never and always touching and touched."

T'Pau used her hands to cover their fingers, the seal on their vows. "Now thee are one," she told them. "Spock – son of Sarek, son of Skon, son of Solkar – and Saavik, Vulcan's Daughter."

_That's a wonderfully tactful way of putting it_, Kirk thought. The heat might have been making him imagine things, but he thought he saw Saavik blush slightly at the title. _Maybe she doesn't have parents to claim her – and that's probably an upside, at least as far as half of her heritage goes – but she's an asset to this planet. And it's nice to see that they know it._

"At the appointed time," T'Pau continued, "Thee shall be drawn together."

Spock was the first to stand, and rather gallantly helped Saavik return to her feet as well. They each studied the other for a moment, as if testing to see if anything was different. Saavik's slight smile returned, and – to his human friends' amazement – Spock mirrored the expression. An instant later, however, both of their faces were once again expressionless masks. If you had blinked, you would have missed it.

They each bowed their heads to Sarek, who nodded his approval. And then, that was that.

* * *

As the Enterprise's senior officers joined the line of guests waiting to pay their respects to the couple and Sarek, their earlier conversation was resumed. "Why are they not being truly married today?" Chekov inquired.

Kirk shrugged. "Dunno. Maybe Vulcans have a required waiting period." None of the others had a better suggestion.

"Wasn't exactly much romance in that little show, now was there?" Scotty piped up. No one verbally responded to his observation, but they were all thinking the same thing. Apparently Vulcan emotional control really did have to take the fun out of everything.

They finally made their way to the front of the line. Kirk bowed to Saavik. "Congratulations, Lieutenant," he told her. "It seems you've had a string of ceremonies recently." Her graduation from the Academy – followed by an assignment to the Enterprise – had occurred only two weeks before.

She nodded slightly. "That is true, Captain. Thank you for attending."

"Wouldn't dream of missing it. Spock," he offered his friend a Vulcan salute, "Congratulations."

"Thank you, Jim."

The others each congratulated the couple in turn, going down the line in rank order. Chekov, of course, was last, and couldn't help but voice the question that they'd all been discussing. "It was said at the end of the ceremony that you would be brought together at the appointed time," he pointed out. "When will that be?"

The couple shared a look that spoke volumes before Saavik finally turned to the Ensign – who, incredibly, was still a year younger than she. "It is difficult to calculate," she told him, "But most likely in three to five years." Looks of confusion crossed all of the officers' faces, but she did not elaborate.

* * *

The line was finally nearing its end when Spock noticed a figure standing off to the side of the clearing, alone. "I will return in a moment," he told Saavik before stepping away from her.

Nyota offered him a small smile as he approached. "Congratulations," she quietly said. "I…I wasn't sure if you'd me want to…you know." She gestured toward the receiving line.

He nodded in understanding. "Whatever you were most comfortable with. I was unsure if you would wish to attend. Jim implied that the invitation might be considered an insult, but I believed that not extending it would be a greater offense."

She laughed softly, sardonically. "Yeah, there aren't exactly strict etiquette rules for this…Are you happy? I mean…you know what I mean."

And he did. "I am."

Her smile returned. "Good. Then so am I – with one condition."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Should I be concerned?"

"Promise me that we won't ever shut each other out."

He nodded. "You have my word."

* * *

As Nyota went to rejoin the rest of their crewmates a few minutes later, Spock realized that Saavik was no longer in the ceremonial clearing. He followed a sixth sense that he now possessed and found her outside, standing on a cliff that overlooked the city. It wasn't Mount Seleya, overlooking the Vulcan Forge, but it was beautiful. It was home.

For a moment, he could picture his mother standing beside Saavik, talking with her about the ceremony and tidying her hairstyle after its exposure to the hot wind that blew across the landscape. Amanda would have thoroughly enjoyed this day.

"I believe that she was here, in a way," Saavik spoke up, startling him slightly.

_Was I projecting my thoughts?_ Spock wondered. He hadn't intended to; their new connection would require an adjustment period.

"I cannot explain how," she continued as he stood behind her. "But…it felt as though she was nearby."

Spock slowly nodded as their fingers met. "Yes, it does."

They remained in amicable silence for several minutes, looking out over the city. Someone would come get them once their presence was required at the reception. "I have attempted to form a more accurate estimate of the date on which our wedding could take place," Saavik quietly spoke up.

"Have you been successful?" he asked.

"There have been…complications. Namely relativity and your genetics."

He nodded. "I expected as much."

"To account for the effects of relativity, I would need to know precisely how much time you have spent at faster-than-light speeds – and what speeds – as well as estimate the same numbers for the future. It is a very complex problem, but I believe a computer program could be created."

He shrugged. "It is possible, if one had enough unoccupied time available."

She nodded her agreement. "However, such a model would assume a normal seven year cycle. It is safe to hypothesize that yours would be longer, given that you are half-human."

"That is true. I made a similar assessment of the factors involved in such a computation after my first pon farr. I decided that it was an inefficient pursuit."

Saavik shrugged slightly as she turned back to look at the landscape. "I suppose," she replied. However, Spock knew her well enough to know that she was still thinking about it.

"Your impatience is illogical, t'hy'la," he quietly told her. "We have the rest of our lives."

* * *

FIN.

**A/N: The bonding ceremony was inspired by the TOS episode "Amok Time" and the book "Vulcan's Heart." And yes, I know, relativity doesn't cover faster than light speeds, but I figure someone will come up with new physics by the 23rd century.  
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**A/N2: Hope you all enjoyed the story, and thanks very much to everyone who sent feedback. :-)**


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